Adam Privett refines...

My Emailed Product Complaint: This is the third time submitting a complaint through what I suspect is a viable form of redress.  Initially, I was contacted by  Redacted ; however, it has been a few days since I was last contacted by her.  So, if this problem is not satisfactorily remedied by Friday, I will resort to social media to voice my discontent.  Below is my original, albeit modified, complaint.    I have ordered six cases of the  Redacted .  The manner in which you ship this product does not preserve the quality of its content.  I did not want to take time to type this complaint, but this is not the first case of this flavor that has been ruined from the shipping process.  As you can see in the picture, the beverage solidifies and comes out like curdled milk.  I must cut open the containers and pour the contents in a blender (this is the third consecutive case of defective product).  It is very unpleasant. ...

Dear Employer, What you are paying for is movement and thought.  I have been perfecting a brisk walking speed on incline for two years.  Further, I practice LSAT and MCAT questions regularly.  Additionally, I have devised creative ways to memorize even the most monotonous types of information.  So if you consider my mental and physical agility combined with my service experience, I think that you will be hard-pressed to find a better human product (or humaduct). According to the Career Direct Guidance System Report that I took in college (I took it three times, and I can proffer two of them for examination.), I am most suited for a career in management.  However, I consider this proclivity or disposition as an indicator of my reliability in whatever pursuit I decide to take on, and not a preordained career path. The truth is that I'm open to various ventures where I can make something better.  My enjoyment for innovation is not a delusional byproduct of cir...