Coup De Tarte - 15- A Holey Occasion (Updated 5/4/24)

 

Though annoyed

The Pieman knew

Baker Brian

Would someday lose

For it's just him

And he has no sway

But the Pieman has

Friends in a higher place

So he'd look out

And also within

To find the chance

And understanding

But for now

He'd just have to wait

Until Baker Brian 

Makes more than a mistake

But many have come

Looking their best

From contracted help

To celebrated guests

For there's an event

Requiring outdoor seating

But can the Pieman overcome

What he'll soon be needing 

[...]

While preparations were being made

Chef and Jefe went to the parking lot

They wanted to scope the scene

To find what was right and what was not

Then came Mestuffstoplease 

And conversation started lacking 

Then came the Caker 

Embarrassed and slightly laughing 

[Via]

So I was passing through the terrace

And I eyed one of the helpers bending over

I was going to make my move

But realized it was Baker Brian when I got closer

I swear that man has the tightest pants ever

I bet he has a gym membership at Curves

[...]

Jefe looks at the Caker momentarily 
Disgusted and disturbed 

[Jefe]

Back in the old country

We would not hire men like that

But it is a pastry shop 

So I suppose he's what you'd expect

[...]

Silent, Mestuffstoplease looks into the parking lot

As if trying to discern what isn't there 

[Via]

Big day Pieman

Are you prepared 

[Mestuffstoplease]

Wherever I go

There I exist 

[Via]

You're so weird, Mestuffstoplease

I love it

[...]

All of a sudden a van pulls up 

And two men hasten to the back 

Unloading miniature Bundt cakes   
From fancy pastry sacks

[Via]

What's so special about these Bundt cakes

That they couldn't have ordered them here

[Jefe]

They're just the bride's preference

And she prefers Claire's

[Via]

That is a pretty penny for some Bundts

And two hundred of them too

[Jefe]

Actually it's two hundred and a dozen 

But the remaining will end up with the crew

[...]

Mestuffstoplease stares as they roll by

They're dark, scrumptious, and bright

They've momentarily undressed his eyes

And he unravels in their sight 

He recomposes his prevision

But their impression has been made

He will now make it his mission

To escort that Bundt to his special place 

Like an addict seeking a fix

He no longer really cares about the day

He'll just be watching for the moment 

When he can scoop that miniature Bundt cake away

He knows his obsession is a little sick 

But if it wasn't pastries it would be something else

Something happens when we're just kids

That sets the precondition that redounds

For him it was a cupcake 

That he had in second grade

The lunch lady made it just for him

Before Big Tommy took it off his tray *

He told himself never again

Would he ever allow such a mistake

From then on he'd choose to go without  

Whatever Big Tommy would want to take *

So he chose to keep to himself 

Locked away inside his dreams

He would never seek to indulge 

Until it was just him and some pastry treats

But he still has to be careful 

For there's a Big Tommy in every place *

If he's not in every person 

Then he's become part of society 

So Mestuffstoplease keeps silent

And patiently waits for his play 

When he can celebrate with due elation 

On this blessed wedding day 

[Jefe]

I'm going back in 

You know what to do

[Via]

Si cabron

[Jefe]

Tu madre

[Via]

I'm going in too

I'll see you in there Pieman

[...]

Mestuffstoplease needed a minute

To reflect on what would be

He mentally mapped out his business

To better handle contingencies *

While staring at the traffic

He felt compelled to turn suddenly

Then he found himself starring 

At Charlene's stunning niece 

[Ashley]

Hey boss

Where do you want me

[Calvin]

I just make the pies 

And occasionally I'll make the coffee

I'm just kidding

Head to the bartender 
She's your boss

She'll tell you what to do 

[Ashley]

Okay

Charlene says hi

[Calvin]

Oh, tell her I said hey back 

And tell her she should stop by

[...]

Ashely scampered off 

But he meant what he said

For his jelly can only fill his pastries  

They can't fill the space atop his bed 

Perhaps not so romantic 

And not something ideal to think

But he found that love for most is adapted

To what people currently want and need 

He transitioned his mindset 

To what he would need going forward

And started the pursuit of goals

That the bride and groom pre-ordered 

First, he went into the office

And checked the dry erase board

He saw what he needed to do

Then made his way to the pastry store

He would grab his specialty jellies

And made sure every table had enough

Then he scrutinized Cocina's kitchen

Making sure they were ready for what's to come 

The rest of the time he'd help prepare

What he could before guests would visit 

All the while snoop on Baker Brian

To see if anything was worth a listen 

It seemed that Baker Brian 

Had a lifestyle most men despised

But one that teenage girls 

Would one day hope to find 

He was a lover of the arts

EDM and techno bars

Platform shoes 

And cashmere scarves

And reality TV show stars

Needless to say

He knew the party scene

He frequented the boulevard

And The Bent Flamingo 

Was his favorite place to drink *

Mestuffstoplease wasn't surprised

In fact he probably could have guessed it

But he wasn't surprised by really anything

That's not a personality trait that he's been blessed with

Perhaps that's Baker Brian's way forward 

And that special something that's worth having 

But what could be the scenario

Where Mestuffstoplease's heinie would be worth grabbing 

If he started some small talk

Perhaps he could try to bait him

But the line between small talk and flirting can be blurry

And could possibly forsake him 

He'll have to revisit this 

When he has time for further rumination

But the guests have started arriving 

And he needs their approbation 

He decides to heads to the bar

To assist Ashley and the bartender 

Making his renowned jellied drinks

And give Charlene's niece some clever pointers

For though the bartender is respected

And knows how things should be

Mestuffstoplease brings a perspective

That improves systems pragmatically

It was kind of always his way 

Since he was very young
He walked in the straightest of lines *
And saw kids that didn't as dumb

But he also had his moments 

And imploded with emotions 

Instead of embracing the many lies

That others seemed to have always chosen

This created a lot of conflict 
For many teachers were provoking
They insisted on order and the rules
Instead of what was called for in the moment

So he's prone to follow systems
Except when they're out of order 

But he's learned to play their games

Now that he's become a lot older

And today will be no different

He must learn another lesson

That double chocolate miniature bundt cakes

May or may not be worth having 

To and fro he assists

Perfecting everything paltry

But now it's time to show the cake

That will feed the wedding party

And what does he see 

Within the walk-in cooler

But a giant Bundt cake 

For the bride couple

Bridesmaids and their groomsmen 

But he's not tempted

Not in the very least

For bigger's not better

When it comes to holey treats

Soon the bride will cut the cake

And that's when he'll rendezvous

For all will participate

In either serving or receiving food 

Except for him of course

For he has a better plan

He's worked so hard for this

And no more patience can he stand 

 

The staff is in position 

With Bundt cakes on carts nearby

So he hastens to the kitchen

And grabs the first spare baby Bundt cake he can find

He heads to the bathrooms 

For he wants the ambiance

The dim lighting and spacious stalls

And the smell of cinnamon 

This time he'll need no handrail

For he's not thinking of Baker Brian

He has no aggression inside him

Just some love that he's been hiding 

He moves quickly to the stall

And tries to quell his emotion to get into it 

For the anxiety is now piling

If only this bathroom had some calming music *

He takes a mental note 

Then quickly gets to business

But he hears the door swing open

Before he gets to finish

He could just pause and wait it out

But he does not have time to waste

People will start to move about 

Once the wedding couple cut the cake

So he decided to pull out

Before this turns into a panic *

He starts flushing the remains

But he could not flush the remaining plastic*

He stashes the plastic behind the toilet

Then he gathers his peace and quiet

He exits the bathroom without washing

That's when he bumped into Baker Brian

In his state of vulnerability 

He quickly said his sorry 

But what emotion was on display 

And what would be Baker Brian's story

He hastens to the pastry shop

And he finds the bathroom mirror 

And he tried to replicate

What Baker Brian saw as queerer

It was written on his face

Or it was written on his brain

Did Baker Brian really see

Or was he making himself insane

He would go to retrieve the plastic

After ten minutes of just waiting 

But it wasn't where he left it

Things now seem to be escalating