The Cake Chronicles (updated: 5/3/24)

 

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 I don't smoke drugs, but I do wake and cake.

#presenttastes

 *Will be further revised

 Cake pt 1

I'm on the take

I want that cake

I don't want drink

I just want cake

 

This ain't a fake

Right when I wake

I'm grabbing plates

I want some cake

 

I will not wait

For it to bake

I'm going straight

For that cake

 

I got a date

I'm never late

Ask my mates

I'm on that cake

 

 

Cake pt 2

Look at me and you would

Think I had a cake fight...

I want that cake might

 

I let it fly check my eyes

they some cake kites...

I got that cake sight

 

I think I see flying saucers

Space shuttles from these cake heights...

It's a cake flight

 

I land in a cake lake and I wade

To the top cause I'm cake lite...

I'm on that cake life

 

Deep divin' for that great white

cuz I love dem cake bites...

I'm chasing cake lights

 

did you see what I see

I think it was a cake wight...

It's gonna be a hallowed cake night

 

Say "ten carrot cakes" for my cake rites then I take it to my cake site

where I sleep tight sexin' pretty cake sprites

 

Oowee I can't wait to wake for my cake plight it's a cake race for some

cake pie

Gotta switch it up cause I'm cake wise

 

The Cake Rumination

I can't stop talking bout this mutha"***** cake

Bi*** it's not yellow do I look like Hussein

It's multi-colored like dem euros or dem mutha****** gays ($)

You better get your eyes off my mutha****** tray

 

I've been working all day waitin' for this cake to bake

Sarah Lee would suck it quick she a lil' sick for this recipe

Baby I got the fix you can get a lick but it ain't for free

Drop it on my d*** with them big ole' hips

You know what it be

 

 

The Cake Critic

Chocolate is my favorite

But If I wear it on my face then

it's cultural appropriation and

The chocolate Stasi will be hatin'

So I'd avoid this racist flavor

There are better cakes to savor

 

One of my star favorites

is one they call the carrot

But it's unhealthy despite It's parents

and it'll spoil a healthy marriage

so I advise you do not share it

If you can't completely kick the carrot

 

Have you ever tried the cheesecake

It's a foresaker of it's keepsake

It must have fled and become apostate

For the cheese is not of my sake

I'd pass on this cult favorite

for they might worship The Great Cheese Satan

 

Speaking of the gays

Have you tried the lemonade

It makes you cringe like their parades

But in a fruity kind of way

Of course I can only speak for me

But there are better uses for that tree

 

Just like its Godly parent

I choose the Angel Cake on merit

For its burden is light and fair and

you can consume it without a care

So there is my top pick

you can choose it and be cake rich

 

 

Cake Machiavelli

To bake a great cake

You must know the recipe

Though the end result will vary

According to degrees

 

Keep in mind your mistakes

They are open for all to see

Some will want to eat your cake early

For no meal was bought for free

 

As the maker of the cake

You must part with animosity

For cooler heads will prevail

In the art of Cakery

 

Mental nobility is a must

in any cake strategy--

For there's not a flaw in any pan,

when there's a brilliant cake repartee:

 

"You did not have the vision or clairvoyance quite like me

For I alone saw the Boogeyman

And he wanted our cake for free"

 

For though you mean well

Some others will fail to see

That there is cake for everyone

If they restrict their calories

 

Some like to win dough

And a slice for all to need

But the corner piece is yours to bestow

If you show crafty cake subtlety

 

Being a maker of the cake

Is a big responsibility

The duties are many and vary

And all should eat accordingly

 

As a maker of the cake

I don't do quite what they tell me

For to have a big hand in the take

One must be a cake Machiavelli

 

The Cakening

I enter transcendental cake states

I raid cake space

I go in for a cake taste

I can't be picky I'm a cake drake

I don't care if it's cake hate

I see a lot of cake gay

I see the gloss of their cake paste

I glide down with my cake cape

 

I land on Cake street

I start slow on my cake beat

I transition to a cake spree

I fill my belly with some cake treats

I glide back to my cake keep

I poop it all in a cake heap

I pray to God for my cake sheep

I ask for a cake piece

I wait for some cake sleep

I reminisce of the day's Cakening

 

My Baby Cakes

I want to make a baby cake...

But I need a corporate sponsor

For my baby's sake

 

I could always trust those solar rays...

But I don't control the weather

So that's a gambler's play

 

a guarantee would be to incubate...

Pop her out the oven when she

Hit that ideal baby weight

 

Awe, she's so sweet--

I can pimp her out

On some baby dates

 

One step better

get a crispr

And clone her DNA

 

Open a factory

And propagate

a perfect race of baby cakes

 

I think I'll be a dictator

And start a baby state

 

 

Cake Heights

6 Tiers

No elevator

Better book a cake flight

 

We can see it quite clear

From these dreamy cake heights

 

Ain't no clouded air

or skyscrapers

just some sprinkly cake sights

 

What you know as UFOs

Are really just cake pies

 

You can run the ground

We not hatin'

Cause we cake fly

 

Our attention is suspended

We on that sugar cake high

 

There ain't no haters up here

It's just a fellow cake sky

 

The Cake Play

 

Some people cake hate...

Cause they mistake...

They think I'm plastic

But I was forged fantastic

Through many many cake days

 

Check the cakestakes...

They were placed straight...

For receptions at dem weddings

To hold up many tiers and cake plates

 

For a cake date...

I keep a cake taste...

I frost the tips

And glossen up my pretty cake face

 

I don't think straight...

Through the cake pace...

I obsess about the next mutha******* cake play

 

Yes it's a cake day...

but it's a cake waste...

Elaborating on my mutha******* cake gay

 

And it's a cake fate...

But she cake late...

Gives me time to lose all this mutha******* cake weight

 

The Cake Creep

 

Maaaaaaaan--

I thought I was done with that cake

But lookin’ at those curves Imma need another taste

 

No it cannot wait--

I see the drip of the frostin’ it be soakin’ up the plate

 

Mmmm...for goodness sake--

I don't care what it weigh imma pound cake today

 

But that's my TLC--

The cake got my buds and it's callin' for a taste

 

And playa don’t you hate--

Keep it to yourself can’t be talkin’ bout my waist

 

Today was the day--

That I creeped on the low for a taste of that cake

The Cake Creep

 

https://youtu.be/LlZydtG3xqI

 

Cake's No Sucker

 

They say a sucker's born every day--

Well that's cool

 

But I stay true to da game so I still want some cake--

Dats my food

 

I know most suckers in dem wrappers be stale anyway--

I'm no foo

 

Plus they pre-committed to their brand so I know that they fake--

I'm no tool

 

My cake's always original and it bakes fresh every day--

It's so new

 

And it don't need a big bag or crew of Dum-Dums in the way--

It's the dude 😎

 

Check out 2 Corinthians 5:17--

You can cake too

 

 

The Cake Ceiling

 

One night staring at the ceiling

With one word she had me reeling

What I thought was mango bright

My mother told me was in fact white

 

I can see that she is right

When eyes depart from the fan's light

So though it is not yet quite peeling

I'd like to paint my creamy feelings

 

I was thinking about a sky

Sprinkled with a new design

For me It would be a racy sight

To see some cakes and a few kites

 

All this interior decorating

And thoughts that I be baking

I think each cake will don a bonnet

The cherry atop this cakey sonnet

 

I hope you enjoyed this scene

A starry treat for you to glean

Compliments to all my fans

Thoughts fresh from the Cake Pan

 

The Cake Revival

If I can cake bro
You can cake too...
It's all about transitioning
It's all about the groove...
But do you know your history
Do you know you're food...
Ancient Greeks caked man
And so did the Jews...
That means Jesus caked
So you know it's cool...
If it's good for God's fam
Then it's good for me and you...*
So what are you waiting for
This ain't a new move...
Every day's a cake day
Bread for me and you

 

Cake Fluff

 

I spent time reading schematics

Now I'm seeing life thematics

A lot of we cakes

on a big ole platter

 

I know you all read it

I meant it when said it

Every day I'm kneading dough

For the cake at my wedding

 

I speak in cake language

If it ain't leavened then I egg it

You got a problem with the fluff

Then Passover like a parrot

 

See I'm G married

Everyday I'm stacking carrots

It'll take a big ole' crunch

To break me off of this pairing 😂

 

Cake Fee

Before you start your cake creep

Might want to take a cake peep

The surface could crumble

Have you tumble to that cake heap

 

I know you like it pacey

And it's fun riding wavy

But always keep your focus

Mistakes have you lookin' pasty

 

It looks creamy and quite tasty

The sugar high can make you crazy

But are you gonna like the filling

When you have to pay that cake fee

 

I know you like that cake scene

But try not to view it daily

The viewing's not worth seeing

If your eyes become too glazy

Free Cake

Did Marie Antoinette care

Or ever stop to think

That some would scrape their ovens

So that they too could eat cake?

Marie never sought crumbs

Nor had to lick her plate

But it was not her fault 

That she was born with free cake

So save for that batter

Before you start to bake

You want it soft not crispy 

For a more enjoyable cake

But blessings bestowed upon us

For it is a great day

The rich now give to the poor 

      So all can eat a free cake    

The Cake Genie

In my mind

I am never leaving

Until my cake's hot

I am not eating

Though not a crime

I am still stealing

I pop the cake top

I like the feeling 

Do not interrupt me

While I am reading 

This is the cake spot 

Where I am feeding 

To feast unimpeded

I have to consult

What I am not

The Cake Genie

 

The Cakecepts

It's a layer cake

But I always stay 

Surface deep--

Always See

It's the first of many cakecepts

I can't be slippin' to that middle

Dippin' in that suspect piddle

That's for pickles

And I don't play dat--

Always Stay Topside

Is another cakecept

Beware the cake dummy 

He likes munching on those crumbies--

Always Stay Fresh

Another one for my cakecepts

Fly high like a cake bat

Never bug like a cake gnat--

Always Stay Above It

Is the key to love it 

And another cakecept

I stay on the cake deck

To keep an eye on the cake jet

Gotta parachute for a parachute--

Always Play The Safe Bet

Another one of my cakecepts

Never get your cake wet

Unless you on your cake flex--

Always Keep A Strong Foundation

Is the foremost formulation of the cakecepts  The Cake Entreaty

O Cake Pan
You can tell me what your cake be
You can place me on a tray
You can divide me in to pastries

You can put me in a jar
You can put me in a pop
You can put me in a shooter
You can put me in a box

You can serve me for women
You can serve me for fathers
You can serve me for teachers 
You can serve me for showers

You can make me sweet
You can make me sour
You can make me with eggs
You can make me with flowers

You can top me with sprinkles
You can top me with toppers
You can top me just because
You can top me for power

You can eat me with another
You can sleep on me for a lover
You can stack me high like a tower
You can condense me like butter

You can fill me with jelly
You can put lucky charms in my belly
You can freeze my frosting
You can give it to your offspring

I can feed you at work
I can feed you at play
I can feed you just to feed you
I can feed you any day

O Cake Pan 
Just tell me what your cake be
I live to serve your taste G

Being and Cake
 
You have always been
As you always be
Though frosted more or less
You are just what you seem
 
You can cake it up
Through history
But what you are 
Is banana cream
 
You can add drizzle
You can add sheen
But you are no purple mirror cake 
That is not in your being
 
Though you are quite tasty
You are not that sweet
You are no chocolate coconut cake 
You are banana cream
 
You may think you're baked Alaska
But that is just your cake dream
We have seen your soft stripes 
They are vanilla and Swiss cream
 
You may not be the worst
With your potassium and pudding
But you are no whole wheat jaggery 
You are just banana cream
 
Can you go the distance
Can you maintain your cake being
Or will fruit cake supplant you--
The great banana cream

 The Cake Display

You may glance
But you cannot take
You are not privy 
Unless otherwise I state

Beyond this glass 
My cake expose 
I alone divvy the slices
Since it is my cake

It is not free
You do have to pay
What I charge 
Is whatever I say

Yet another day
Behind my display 
It is my duty 
As master of the bake

The Cake Maverick

We all have the time 
To bake anew every day
But to become a cake maverick 
You must ignore what they say

The makers don't like this
Because not all can agree
What will or will not be tasted
When you forgo the recipe

Their instructions are swell
Like the cakes that they bake
But they all taste the same
For that is how they were made

It takes understanding 
Not to lose what's at stake
And you are duty bound 
To bake a good cake

But the reward can be sweet
When you choose to deviate
And see their surprised glee
When they taste what you've made

With this admonishment
I hoped to convey
That being a cake maverick
Is and is not the right way

My Cake Complex 

Here is my gift 

That I bestow

Cake ingredients 

That each can mold

My frosting is sweet

And my pan is low

My eggs are plenty

Feel free to stow

Throughout the sprinkle

Of cakes below 

All of Antiquity 

Kneaded their dough

A cake complex

Is what I grow

And all are hungry

In this cake show 

Mr. Cake

Oh, Mr. Cake

You cannot be truly

We know your ingredients 

And your incessant tomfoolery

You cannot hide in your box

We know what we see

So stop your enlightening

You are not what we read

To say that you are

Is sheer blasphemy

You are ladened with fat

And you are not sugar-free

You claim to be one thing 

But we know what we eat

You crumble like the rest

So forgo your hypocrisy 

You too are no different 

Your frosting it glistens

You will be bakedsc

And you will be delicious

Mr. Cake - The Rebuttal

We always presume what is
And not think of what could be
Indeed my cake is delicious
And for all it is free

For to fortify through fortress
Is useless by sea
At least that's what I read
In The Discourses of Livy 

So come take a piece
For my I am light and fat-free
And my frosting does glisten
But it is not what you think

  The Cake Magistrate

Your opinion is irrelevant

You are just a sprinkle

You do not control the bake

Though I am the beholder

The cake magistrate 

I only do what they say

Every bake is different 

Start your own contingent

And move to a different plate

But you'll need instructions

Milk and flour

And a few good eggs

Before your dissension 

Form your ingredients 

And a reason for their cake

Of course you'll be the topper

The incontrovertible seer

In your new cakemocracy

The Mentally-ill Cake

Oh cake

Do you not do what they say

For your surface is crumby

That is not what they bake

Oh cake

What have they done to your face

You can see we all look the same

You do not belong in this place

Oh cake

I was wrong to mistake

For you please those that indulge 

With your immeasurable taste

Oh cake

Do you mind if I partake

I usually don't eat my own kind

But today I just may

My Cake Design 

I'm not going like you

Because you are sweet

My standard is particular 

And it's that you must meet

It's not a creamy face

Or cute toppings I seek

I'll have to cut you up

Therein lies the real treat

I'll peer at your layers

To examine what I'll need

If I can commit to a nibble

Then a nibble's all I'll eat

I won't buy the whole cake

For I seek the unique

I'll know what I taste

I'll form hypotheses

I'll start my own bake

To claim what is mine

I too can create

My own cake Frankenstein   Little Debbie

I've checked out your cakes 
The ones called Birthday
It was unsettling to find
They're all one and the same

They stay in your box
Because they're afraid
And hide in great numbers 
They know they are fake

Sealed in your wrapping
They preserve what's at stake
But this is a cake nabbing
Goodbye cellophane

I will consume only one
That's all it will take
To understand the means
By which you create

I'll unravel its history
To see how it baked 
And crack this cake case
It will be a cake day

Such is the time
For cake prophecy 
Your cake days are over
Miss Little Debbie

 

A Royal Portion

An invitation to tea

Is not license to thieve 

Endowed with a portion

You doubled your greed

You may jazz it up

With your royal jelly

It is your sovereign right

You are the queen bee

Still the foundations remain

They're both one and the same

You just doubled the sponge

And stole the icing

You may call it royal

But it started as egg

Renaming cake frosting 

For your own wedding day

But without your cake passion

They'd have to wait for cake mansions

You did popularize cake tiers

It became England's new fashion

Cake Hate 

Hey Mr. Waiter better hurry

Fetch the baker

Cake's quite frightening 

Man I think we got a hater

He's looking quite frosty 

Glaring like he wants to toss me

Cake's thinking he's a savage

Somebody tell him he's a softy 

Better tell him what the cost be

For getting high off his frosting

He was paid for a price 

Cake is mine with the coffee

Time to whip him with the cream

Gonna show him who the boss be 

I think I'll eat him outside

Watch him moisten up his glossing

And there's no need to worry 

In fact this just made my morning

Cake's display made me laugh

They're usually tame and rather boring

I'll have to save a bit for later

No one will believe me but the waiter

I'll have this cake story in the fridge

A piece for now and some for later

The Not So True Story of The Lamington

If you think that I will wait
For a sponge portion on my plate
Then it is you who will have to pay
Double-time it with all due haste

Remember and know your place
You are stupid and just a maid
What is taking so long with my cake
I am a lord and baron of Brisbane

What is this that you have made
Dark but desiccated with whiteish flakes
It is sweet with a lightish taste
I will call them Cakes of His Mighty Grace

I know that's quite a name
But did you get all of the wordplay 
Cause they're small and sweet ladened
Like all the lordliest of sins

But since I oversee all Queensland
I cannot jest with the common man
I will call it as it stands
The Great Cakes of Lamington

Mr. Fruitcake

I've been around town

Passed down through history

My name is Mr. Fruitcake 

I was born in the 8th century BCE

Some think I'm a joke

And a little crazy

But the proof is in the mold

I fill you up with energy

I'm full of nuts, spices, and fruit

At least according to what I read

And that's straight from the word

The Smithsonian Magazine

You could find me in the barracks 

passed around for all to eat

I fueled the Roman conquest

As the original MRE

I'm in store just for Christmas

Like our Lord above JC

But in America you can have me anytime

Online or by phone I'm yours to keep

 The Crockers

Eclair Cake

You don't have what it takes

You don't have any eggs

Plus you don't even have to bake

You are not a true cake

Flapjack Cake

In 1970 you came out as cake

But the courts disagreed 

Stop perverting cake culture

And abandon your hypocrisy

Cheesecake

Besieged by too many eggs

You are just not the same

Thus we are sad to say 

You can't be a cake today

Tort

Please show some restraint 

If you want our cake acclaim

Lose the nutty weight 

And join our great cake race

Boston Cream Pie

You are on the wrong side

You were born a cake in tin

So rid yourself of lies

Recognize we are the same within

Banana Cream Cake

Despite your Swiss and vanilla seams 

You are a cakey dream

You have true cake traits 

You may join us on His plate

The Cake Pan

I am just a pan

Though I never change

What they say is in me

Is what I am

I am just a pan

I am just a pan

I am a victim of circumstance

What is poured in my mold

Is in their hands

I am just a pan

I am just a pan

To be used again and again

They bake me according to plan

I am and am not a fan

I am just a pan

I am just a pan

I am made of aluminum

steel, glass, stone, and silicone

What they bake in me

I will never own

It's all for them

And their cake show

I am just a pan

The Red Velvet Cake Clan

Do you know the history of man

And how we live on a pan

Or about the cake wars upon us 

If not then pay attention   

 

Our biggest creditor

Is known as Japan

But what they don't tell you

Is about the Red Velvet Cake Clan  

 

No one knows  

When we began

But cakestorians agree

We once called this Cakeland 

 

All were united

In this magical place

Until one tried a different recipe

And baked a new cake

 

This caused great division

Since cake is currency

So many sought a new land

To bake and be free

 

But in the Far East  

They worshipped that cake 

And all payed tribute  

To the red velvet sage   

 

Some still do today  

With cake on their face

But most do not know 

The true origin of their faith 

 

See in ancient Cake  

Bindi means grace  

And what you ate  

Was symbolic of faith  

 

From Aristotle to Jesus

Just check their main thesis

To give is to cake  

Put more in the pieces   

 

Throughout the ages 

Some became Cakists

They saw their own cakes

As better than tasty   

 

So the Cake Wars began

To find their cake clans

Some chose to align

And others to disband

Then there were the Catholics

Who said they wouldn't have it

They considered all apostate

Who would worship a cake

So the chief papists convened

And they all came to agree

To tie and burn cakists

And be done with corrupting flavors

There are rumors still today

Of cakists among the faith

And unless the ash is a perfect cross fit

The priest is undercover for chocolate

 

It wasn't anyone's mistake

All were blinded by cake 

No one knew that cake love

Would turn into cake hate    

 

But back to the plan 

Of the Red Velvet Cake Clan 

Hidden in plain sight  

They're loyal to their flag  

 

They want our great land 

It's more space for their pans 

They want to sweeten us up 

For their land invasion  

 

There's a PR campaign 

To make us one and the same

From what we purchase 

To how we pay   

 

From the county fair  

To Union Square 

It's a Red Circle inundation

Their cakes are everywhere  

 

So if your kids ever say  

They're out for red velvet cake

Don't think it's sweet  

They're eating with the enemy   

 

To confirm what I say  

Ask how everyone will pay 

If any use a MasterCard

Tell them it's not safe

 

So forget the TV shows 

For now you're in the know

About the true war upon us

It's about the cakes that we grow  

A Pieceful Invasion

You are not from around here
We know your history
Forsaken by your homeland
Traded by monks reluctantly
 
Ashamed of your cake origin
You try to obscure your identity
You pronounce yourself Kasutera
But we know you're Portuguese

You're a Japanese Castella Cake
A piece of foreign cakeology 
Known for your long shelf life
Which is ideal for life at sea

We recognize your pieceful invasion
We are the Washington, Pineapple, and Strawberry 
We are the forebearers of this cakeland 
Welcome to our cakestocracy 

The Chiffon 

Though baked like an angel

We will not be deceived

You fold in on yourself

You cannot stand the great heat 

Created by Harry Baker

From Greater Los Angeles

You are as rich as those actors

You fed on the silver screen

Like the actors you entertained

We cannot find you in one place

Hopped up on various ingredients 

Gives you versatility in taste 

At funerals and weddings

You will never belong truly

Your place is now General Mills

And Walt Disney's Brown Derby 

Sarah Bernhardt 

Are you a cookie

Or are you a cake

Sorry Sarah Bernhardt

You can't have it both ways

What makes a great cookie 

Also makes a great cake 

Both share key ingredients  

And both have to bake 

You can come quite small

You can fit in my hand

But you can also come larger 

Filling up the cake pan

Upon looking further

Beneath your meringue

You are a whole lot of nuts

Cloaked in chocolaty dressing 

You have duped us all

With your dual identity

Neither truly a cake

Nor a cookie

The Cake Pervert

It's 6:30 where is my entrée 

Of course the waiter's late

Contractual help is so dubious

And I need another cabernet

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned

And it's not my reception

But how juvenile 

With these recyclable napkins

God will she stop ranting 

No one cares about her charity 

A foreshadowing for all

Who have yet to be married 

Oh what is this

Propped up for display

I wonder how long it's been there

Just waiting for me

How did I miss you

Looking brilliantly ornate

I'll have to eat you slow

When I'm privy to a plate

I better stop thinking

What would they all say

To know I've thought about your cream

And how sweet it will taste 

The Cake Chauvinist

Aloha 

It is so nice to see

Hapuia serving the White Cake

Since the 1940s

Compared to Blanchmange

Because of its similarity

A European ancestor

And white delicacy

You are not alone

With your white affinity

A slave created the Coconut Cake

Thanks to the seafaring Portuguese

A bygone era 

Another missed opportunity 

Given your fine pudding

And ample coconut trees

The etymology of cake is kaka

A word created by the Vikings 

And any semblance of modern cakes 

Did not arrive until the 17th Century

But don't feel bad 

You will always have Aloha shirts and surfing

But you can't claim your cake contributions 

Because that's cake appropriating

The Cake Blow Job

I know it's been a while

You look like the last one

But it's a new year

It's a celebration

I appreciate the flare

You know I like them tasteful

Forgive me if I stare

Just know that I am grateful

There's a bigger crowd now

And I am a little bashful

I have to control my breath

And remember not to cackle 

Okay I'll close my eyes

They say that it's a staple

Of the cake blow job

I'm blowing out these candles
[Explicit version: I hope you like a face full]

Cake and Me

I woke up today 

And heard him say

Not the sun

I tell him to shut it

Cake you're done

Why today

Why not wait

Because I said so

So shut up cake

What does the Bible say

A lazy man does not roast his game

So get back on your plate

And prepare to bake

Or if you're an atheist

Then Machiavelli or Nietzsche

To eat cake is good...

Unless you're a cake

So if you see me crying

It's not me

It's my cake

He's being a pastry 

The Oprah Cake

They call you the Opera Cake
But I'm going to call you the Oprah Cake
For your Parisian cake signature 
And your selfless self-indulgent tastes

Dressed in six layers
Three of which are nutty 
But they're as thin as veneers
So you fortify them with cognac and coffee

Before you glaze yourself in chocolate
You espresso flavor your buttercream
Then add another layer with ganache
A confused blanket of bittersweet

You see your patrons amused
They're not sure what to think
Strong, bitter, sweet, and nutty
And dazzling with some golden leaf

Bismarck Smizmark

I usually stay within my own

For that is an honorable fray

But I suspect you are a doughnut

Who thinks himself a cake

You call yourself a Bismarck

And though that is just a name

You puff up like a chancellor 

Of a European state

We know what you are doing

And we don't think that it's okay

To call yourself a doughnut

But present yourself like cake

Why don't you tone it down 

And stay in your own lane

Put yourself into perspective

And abandon your cake game 

White Privileged Cake

Praised for your simplicity

As an easier cake to make

Even better than the boxed brands

But we will never be replaced

They emphasize your similarity

With your abundant oil and eggs

But you cannot mask your white privilege

With your inherent ingredients

You hide behind your Kraft

And your incessant Miracle Whip

They say you're softer and last longer

And on top of that you're rich

We see all of the testimonials

But we will never be afraid

You can cloak yourself with chocolate 

But you are a mayonnaise cake

Cake Shapes

I know it's hard to understand

There's so many-shaped pans

Everything is still according to plan

Even if He use a different cake pan

See back in the day

It was only circular shapes

For that was the easiest to make 

Given our understanding of cakes

One day a baker said he wouldn't do it

And decided to try somethin' newish

He wasn't hatin' on bakers he wasn't cool with 

He just got bored with the hubris

We can thank the Industrial Revolution

For popularizing varying molds with mass-diffusion 

It wasn't to instill mass-confusion

Or bring our cakeland into ruin

So before you start trippin'

Just remember the cake and its mission

It's to bake fresh in the kitchen

To please the baker and his vision

The Lane Cake

This is the best I have yet to taste

Tell us ma'am what is your name

Well congratulations Emma Lane

You take the cake you won first place

You look lost for words on this great day

Just take your Prize and walk away

You can always rename it in 1898

After you have considered what you have baked

Though you filled it with booze and fruit 

Lady Baltimore is not to be confused 

You are the pride of Alabama State

You did not create that kind of cake

You belong with Some Good Things to Eat

As is known by Harper Lee

You will be known in history 

As the Lane Cake from your cookbook's recipe

Not Dirt Not Cake

We do love the Earth
For that is where we are made 
But you do not have the right
To call us Dirt Cake

Do I call myself sugar
Do I call myself milk 
Though I do have them both
There is more to my ilk

You have neglected the eggs
And we don't even bake 
You have misgendered our race 
We are more pudding than cake

You store us in cups
You say it's more safe
But we have all had enough
It is too cold in this place

Then you use us as bait 
To get the kids in one place
They eat what we contain
And worship your Earth Day

I think it's fair for us to say
You do not care for our desserting race
I must insist you call us pudding
Or at least stop the great cake hate

Not The Poor Man's Cake

I was hoping for grass
Maybe some hay
Your recipe needs relabeling 
This can't be the cake

I come from gypsy land
I don't have an oven to bake
Where do I even get these spices 
Outside of Bombay

With all of these instructions 
And ingredients at stake
How could you ever expect
The poor to partake

I'm feeling aggression
I think it's time to rename
It is no longer The Depression
But The Oppressionist Cake

The Cupcakes

We are the cupcakes

Baked as one 

Though separate

We are for all age

Big or small 

Come taste our paste

We always await

For on the go

Or on the plate

We are a small taste

Of bigger things

That take the cake

We are a cheap date

Come celebrate 

Efficiently

---

A Dubious Cake

Did you see the new cake

They made in honor of me

It's yellow and pink

Darling what do you mean

This is a wedding for two

It's obviously a gift from the Queen 

But do you know about the design

Each square represents a prince

Within the Battenberg bloodline

You are starting to sound insane

I don't see your point 

Did you have a complaint

Mashed together with apricot jam 

All the squares touch

Like they're holding hands

Okay I'm ending this conversation

You're eyebrows are contorting

You're clearly vexed with frustration 

Charlotte Russe

Fashioned by Marie-Antonin Careme
I have yet to hear any complain

Delivered first to Czar Alexander 
As a custard dish of splendor

She is known for her ladyfingers
she is the sweetest with chocolate sprinkles

Loved by the Jews in the East
They pronounce her "roose” instead of "russe"

They like to see her yellow cake 
So they push up her center 
While they eat her whipped cream

They love her for her fillings
They love her with the whiskey 
They love her with the cherry
They love her for her Bavarian 
They love her all adorned
They love her rich or poor
She is Charlotte Russe
She waits patiently on cardboard 

The Cemetery Cake

Served in honor of the dead
You are the cake of the cemetery
You are a delicious treat to eat
Created long ago by the Swedes

Your cake tradition is limited
I think you need a new cake policy
You belong in the fridge
Or next to Crocker's Fudge Brownies

We can bring it all in-house
Ornament our dead for free
We can eat our cake without
Waiting for our dead to be buried 

We will no longer have to worry
Where we buried our great aunt
She will be mounted by the couch
Where we can eat you without pants

Bye-Bye Key Lime Pie

Bye-bye key lime pie

You are no longer welcome

We don't like your kind

No need for the what's and why's

Governor DeSantis sent the memo

SB 1006 has been signed

Though sweet you have a tangy side

So we chose strawberry shortcake

He's our kind of guy

He's so sweet and has all that cream

Plus he's the poster cake

For a billion dollar industry 

You might have the popular vote

But that's not how power grows

We own the governor and the festival

The Icebox Stud

They call you the Icebox Cake
You never feel the heat
You never stay on one plate too long
And you're always the most sweet

The favorite at every cocktail party
With your exploits of home and sea
Entertaining the Elites comes naturally 
Since the Roaring NineteenTtwenties 

You captivate every audience indulged 
With your sugar wafers and cookies
Especially the voracious ladies engulfed 
With your fiercesome chocolate streaks

You're even making house calls now
With your premade ingredients
They love to whip you into peaks
With their kitchen implements 

Tompouce

Classified for your miniature size
As a traditional Dutch pastry
Regardless you're still a mille-feuille
Given your inherent complexity

They equate you with Napoleon
Just a smaller local variety
Regardless of the comparison
You'll always be Tompouce to me

They paint you up in pink or orange
In honor of their king or queen
But you'll always be that Frisian dwarf
From the west of Germany

They like to box you in rectangles
As the perfect midday treat
But you're frosted for spectacular spectacles
Not just birthdays, lunch, and tea

The Cakeophrenic

I see it in your eyes 
But do not panic
You are burdened by lies
You are a cakeophrenic

I do not want your cake sir
It is not my habit
And I am not a hater
I will not grab it

You see it every day sir
You have to have it
A reason for today's splurge
You are an addict

We will not betray sir
Your cake having
Every man is a waiter
On this cake planet

The Cake Gaze

The cake museum 
Does not exist
Your window shopping
Is suspicious

You see them clearly
Through the glass
They do not change much
So do not ask

They are kept there
But not for storing
Fresh from the baker
Till morrow morning

Then off they go
To the poor
Come back later
They'll be more

The Cake Vision

What shall we call this
It looks stout, sweet, and delicious
But there is more discernment needed 
For understanding this cakey visage

It can appear in all colors
It has a cakey iridescence 
Certainly this is not one of those
Cakes for a peasant

I wonder what its layers pose
And what he has baked in his kitchen 
Only the chef knows
We must unearth his cakey vision

But he looks unapproachable
And his apron says to kiss him
That's not a great option though
Nor worth the price of admission

Still I wonder what his craft stows  
And what's his next cakey mission
I would love to see his cake mold
To find out what we're missing 

The Take On Cake

I refuse to read labels

I do not believe in cakepremacy

Every cake deserves a table

Call it cake clemency

Every cake is not an equal

Some have more frosting

Not every cake is quite regal 

Some need a good tossing 

I do not judge based on hearsay 

It just might need a choice saucing 

To render it a sweet cake

To make it worth costing 

Every cake deserves a fair shake

Of the sprinkles coarse or sparkling

And every man deserves a small taste 

To see what the boss sees

The Cake Froster

I am not the maker
I do not have the say
I have only one job
It's to frost what he bakes

Though not quite a mystery
There is still a debate
Do customers have a say-so
Or right to complain

It appears quite obvious
Maybe too obvious to relay
But what came first
The customer or cake

Check the cake label
For the name and the date
There is no hidden playdough
Refer to the recipe

We must trust his fine judgment
There are ingredients at stake
And the baker has an idea
Of what customers value in taste

Though most leave happy
There are still some complaints 
But I am just a cake froster
I have the easiest of days

The Cake Presentation

Cakes are known 
For their symmetry
Must one turn them around
To see them clearly

Some wheel them out
To stay in one place
Some erect them 
On rotatable plates

Where do I stand
On this visual play
It depends on my confidence 
In the cake that I bake

If I bake it well
And seek no complaints
I want my cake shown 
For what it ain't

That's my say
On the great debate
The Cartesian Method
Or Spin the Plate 

The Plain Ovary

Pão de Ló de Ovar
The most famous Portuguese
A cake made by nuns 
In the eighteenth century

Served to priests
During Holy Week
It's ingredients three 
Like the Holy Trinity

Priests share the good news
To the city's laity 
Their speech is soft
Like the cake they eat

You can top it with fruit
Or whip it with cream
But the nuns stay true
To the original recipe

Cake De Spare

They pass me around

Like a momentary pleasantry

Every time I go up I go down

I lose a little piece of me

I guess this is what it takes

To be banana cream

I just hope they enjoy the taste

Of what's layered within my seams

Yes it is vanilla

And Swiss cream

But I am more than a font

On a predetermined recipe

I am a compilation 

Of the Baker's cake dream

Ingredients plus wisdom

Plus time plus heat

Remember that

When you eat my being 

It is you who the baker

Seeks to please

The Cake Insight

They want what I keep

But I am my own cake

It is my right 

It is my banana cream

They say I will crumble

Regardless of what eats me

Father Time or the takers

Of my sweet delicacy

All want to cut my layers

To get what's underneath

But in my glass dome

I have air superiority

I see their grumbles

They want what they see

But a good cake knows

That a good cake is free

The Baker's Dilemma

Is how to make a cake

Without it knowing

That it's sweet

Well I suppose

At least what I know

Is to shroud a cake 

In its own mystery

Cake Customs

First things first 

I'll need to see your papers

Just the wax or the parchment

Not the potato, rice, or wafer

Don't take me for a rookie

You should know that 

You need it for a cake

If you need it for a cookie

Let me ask you

Have you ever seen a splatter

Or a cake sticking to the pan

On the flip cause it had to

You better check your temper

These questions are quite fair  

You should always come prepared 

If you plan to bake it in this manner

And may I ask the occasion 

If you want cake approval

I'll have to vet the reason 

For this tasting

Thanks for your cooperation 

Yes I am the cake batter

That's why I have a say

In the manner of this baking

The Cake Registry

Thank you for coming to our place  

We prevent all unlicensed tastes

Do you intend to register any cakes

How many did you bake

Do you have your own plates

Any plans to further decorate

The pumpkin and red velvet are okay

As are the banana, bundt, and birthday

But we don't approve of the cheesecake

It's missing key ingredients 

There are way too many eggs

It doesn't meet the standards of cake

And in all honesty 

We have too many cheesecake factories

Which endangers the rest of cakery

I know it's not fair for you and me

And all subjected to the cake registry

But such is the case and cake policy 

Cake Wrongs

Oh cake
Where did I go wrong
For goodness cake
What was my mistake

Oh cake
Are you too dry
Did I not use enough butter
Or not enough eggs

Oh cake
Could you not rise to the occasion
For lack of baking powder
Or because the pan is too amazing

Oh cake
Could you not stay in a pan so low
Did I forget a baking sheet
To catch your overflow

Oh cake
Are you just too dense
Because I spoiled you with sugar
Or too many leavening agents

Oh cake
Was the temperature too high
Did you crack in the heat 
Can I fix you with buttercream

Oh cake
Is your top too greasy 
Are you too oily or buttery
Can I mend you with frosting

Oh cake
Are you soggy inside
Can I wrap you in aluminum foil
And bake you just right

Oh cake
Are you feeling concave
Did you sit for too long
Or burdened by too much leavening

Oh cake
Do you feel a little crusty 
Did I leave you to overbake
Can I fix it with icing

Oh cake
We will make this right
We have what it takes
So help me cake

Cake Face

There's a rumor I read today

Of the painted lady known as Mona

That cheeky look upon her face

Could be the result of too much egg 

Now I don't want to elaborate 

Because science is far from my forte

But it would not be far-fetched to say

That she dabbled in cake that day

See it's all about some protein

Found on her face while quarantined 

Scientists have opined to some degree

That it's egg yolk on the painting

Now what does that all mean

For her famous look we see

I don't want to jump to conspiracy

But it's clearly a cakey mystery 

Just look closely at her cheeks

They're clearly stuffed with something sweet

What would you do if you had to wait

While being painted by Leonardo da Vinci 

You could stuff your mouth with eggs

And stare off blankly into space 

Or you could couple something sweet 

Such as cake and a daydream 

Let us remember how we bake

Cake and eggs go together like Sunday

As the sun goes down while it's the same

So goes cake and its protein

The Self-Obsessed Cake

Have you ever seen a cake
Infatuated with its being
If you could read its mind
This is what it would say

I need, I am, I must be

You can spot it in a crowd 
It is the one who overthinks 
It doesn't suffer clowns
Not even on birthdays

It is always thinking about the time
And It's picky about its plate
It needs to impress upon the milk
That it is the hottest date

It is worried about the day
It is the director of its fate
It won't pair up with ice cream
Even if it's a sunday

Its disposition is sound
Even on a tray
You could drop it on the ground 
It would still say I am cake 

The Baker Acted Cake

Remove your hands from me

There must be some mistake

For I am not the one who's acting 

I am the one who bakes the cakes

Do you see my cakey passion 

Do you see the cakes I make

They're right behind my glass

I am the one you have to thank 

Compare me to the others

You put inside your fridge

Do you see me as one who cracks

Do you see me as one who fits

 

Just watch my everyday

You will see a growing cake display 

If I am the one who makes them

How could I be the baker acted cake

A Cake Conspiracy

I know how this goes

I know what it is I see

Where there's chocolate

There's vanilla, carrot, and strawberry"

A colorful ensemble

Of sweet delicacies

An idyllic picture

Of cake diversity

But let me ask you

Is there not banana cream

He's quite nutritious

And on top of that he's sweet

Oh I see

He's the oppressor

Mr. Popularity

So he no longer has a part

In your cakey tapestry

Well good luck

You'll need it from what I see

Though you have great flavors

They're mostly empty calories

I wonder if this is a ruse

A cake conspiracy

Contrived by one of your own

Perhaps whole wheat jaggery

It doesn't have cake swag

It is not one most would eat

So it contrives to corner the cake market

As being the only nutritious treat

To limit the competition

It inundates its cake team

With the sweetest of sweet options

Except the great banana cream

"Let's keep the sweetest of the sweet

And show them its caketastrophe

Give them no other cake option

Except my whole wheat jaggery"

"I'm sorry you can't have both

There's nothing in-between 

You must choose one or the other 

Your health or your glee"

"We know not who you speak of

Who is this banana cream

But we do have this chocolate

Vanilla, carrot, and strawberry"

"Of course there's always me

Whole wheat jaggery 

I am certainly not the sweetest

But I am a nutritious cake dream"

Their Cake Agenda

Don't you see the consequence
Of their new cake policies
By interfering with cake markets
They distort commonsense cakery

They claim to want the best
For every cake in the Industry
But look at how they bake them 
Who would want to risk the fee

If not enough cakes sell 
There will be no more bakery
We will run out of cake frosting 
Subsidizing undesirable baked pastries

Perhaps that is the plan
To implode our cakey dream 
Now that they've tried them all
They know the ideal recipes

After the cake purge
Will arise a new cake dynasty *
They can then start afresh
With ideal cakeries

 Freedom Not To Sprinkle

Freedom of speech

Freedom of being

It's a matter of tastes

It's a matter of degrees

The latter is topped

With what the former means

So the latter Imposes

On what the former can be

Where do I stand 

On this controversy

Words are like sprinkles 

On top of icing

They can be pretty

They can be sweet

They can also be petty

And distort reality

I say if we bake a cake

And sprinkle everything

We should not be mad at what we taste

Since we cannot see what we eat

But why do we sprinkle cakes 

It seems like such a waste

And it seems like cake bias

Since not all are sprinkled just the same

So why not leave out the sprinkles

And focus on what's underneath 

We can leave a greater taste

With just a little more frosting

We can even add a little

Vanilla, whipped, or buttercream

Top it off with a drizzle

Of that caramel or chocolate glaze

But those are just some ideas

Tell me what you think

But enough with the sprinkles

They're overrated and all the same

The Cakeopath

Look at my frosting

It's so evenly placed

Created by a god

I deserve my own tray

Here is my big chance

I must be first or second taste

Surely I'm the grandest

To ever sit on this buffet

Hey not so fast

That's not the only cake

We all deserve a chance

You are making a mistake

That's the third customer passed

They must all be insane

Do they not see my cake piping

Do they not see my cake name

The other cakes murmur

The other cakes all agree

There needs to be a cake shuffle

The cake first up should be me

But they say that I'm nutty

They say that I'm deranged

What they're seeing are bananas

Most ornately ever placed

I am the cake show

They are only filling empty space

I am truly one of a kind

I don't care what they all say 

The Cake Path

I know what it's like
To be a piece of cake
To be amongst your own
To never get a taste

I know what it's like
To do it every day
To show off your cake frosting
To slowly go to waste

I know what it's like
To know your recipe
To show what's deep inside
To know it's not for free

I know what it's like
To not know your boundaries 
To want to show the world
To be their cakey dream

I know what it's like
And I know what I see
I've been eyeing you awhile
I will finally eat your cream

 The Cake Reprisal 

It's not a gobble gobble

It's not a slurp slurp

It's a subtle suckle

It's a tongue twerk 

I'm talking bout how to cake

I'm talking bout how to splurge

I'm talking tongue scraps

I'm talking cake regurge

It's about the savor

It's about the worth

It's a now and later

It's a cake rebirth

So I'm on my cake

So I'm on my words

It's a tongue in cheek

It's a cake turd

Team Cake

Oh you soddened cake

You have seen better days

Let me fix you up

How do you want to be 

Fluffy, moist, and tender

To me It's all the same 

But that's what people like

From this cakey industry 

It's amazing you stay together

With the pressure on your seams

And you still want more dairy 

You are truly banana cream

The longer your cake bakes

The bigger your cake will be

Just a little while longer

Let me fix our cakey dream

Yes I am the baker

I take full responsibility 

So back on the oven rack

There's no I in cake team 

Freedom Tastes

Now on the count of three
Everyone eat a forkful please
The camera's to the left of me
So tilt your heads accordingly

What Edward Bernays did for cigs
I'm going to do for all the cakes
It's known they're bad for your waist 
So I'll call them Freedom Tastes

I'll start a cake-filled PR campaign
I'll pitch it to Betty Crocker and Sara Lee
I'll start a cake controversy
I'll tour the country from sea to sea

I'll have scientists say cakes are great
They're good for the planet and for your face 
I'll start a cheeky viral campaign
And drop fortune sprinkles from aeroplanes

I'm thinking blimps and motorcades
Like the Thanksgiving parade
I'll call it Cakes Gone Wild on ABC
With Guy Fieri and Paula Deen

If only he were here to see
Mr. Bernays would be so proud of me
My understanding of crowd psychology
Will capture the market for all of cakery

Cake Sale

It's time for what's inside

To come to what's out

When I see a cake flake

That's what I'm a bout

If you can't handle the heat

Then you must stay without

Get out my great cake store

I am the best baker around

It's not that I hate you

You're just not that sound

You're flaking on my counters

You're no longer a pound

Now I have to sell you 

With a further discount

You're making me look bad

Whatchu got to say now

Missing Cake Pt. 1 - The Accusation

Hello Dave

I'm glad you're awake

We've been waiting for you 

It's been a long day

Pull out a plate

We're having some cake 

We've been talking a while

There's been controversy

Have you heard the injustice

Of what happened yesterday 

A cake went missing 

We think it's foul play

This wouldn't be a biggie

If it weren't for Nate

He really likes red velvet

It's kind of his thing

Where were you last night

At around quarter to eight

We talked to your Sherry

You weren't on your date

To cut to the chase

We think you're to blame

We know your cake addicted 

It's all over your face

Have you anything to contribute

Or of import to relay

We need to find this cake

Before it's too late...

Missing Cake Pt. 2 - The Reveal

First of all Nate 

I'm sorry about your cake

I know you are particular

We all have our thing

And no plate for me

Unless we're transitioning for free

But I get to be Sophia or Rose 

not Blanche or Dorothy

But all jokes aside

I like apple pie

So I'm not cake addicted

It's not my pastime

And as for my date with Sherry

She was with her friend Mary

She's always full of snowflakes

So I went to the Pink Fairy

So there you have it

My secret's out the cabinet

And it's not a plate for red velvet

But that buttercream bartender Calvin

Missing Cake pt 3 - The Rebuke

So Remember that one time
I caught you fisting Bundt cake
Was that not just a gag
Or a silly callow prank

Were you feeling a bit curious
For some cakey Bundt hole play 
I'm not here to judge
Do what you want to your cake

But what about that one time
Before Christmas Eve
When Lindsay brought that Bundt
With strawberry cherry cream

Did she really forget the inside 
Or did you lick that rim clean
Did you play just the tip
Do you know what I mean

I think you have a problem
You really are a fiend 
You are a cake addict
Though that's not what you eat 

Missing Cake Pt. 4 - The Rebuttal

Your suspicions are correct

I made that Bundt a holey mess

But as you know I cleaned it up 

Lindsay knew not of my cakey love

And I recognize what you say

But I cannot forsake the cake foreplay 

Besides there could be a far worse fetish 

I could eat the cake and turn diabetic

But you're right I do need to show restraint

You did not deserve to eat Lindsay's cake

But now that it's out in the open

I can enjoy cake in ways that I'm hoping

In fact imagine the possibilities

All can have cake without the hostilities 

We can even create team activities

And enjoy cake without all the calories 

I'm so happy for this cake bonding

They're right it does pay to be so honest

Once we get over this cake of Nate's

We can enjoy this one without the plates

 Missing Cake Pt. 5 - The Removal

Okay gentlemen I think that's it
We have enough to Baker Act him 
Don't worry Dave they have good cake
You'll be with others who think your way

We just need you to stay right here
Until the men in white escort you there
Would you like some cake while we wait
To eat of course and not to play

If not we understand and that's okay 
In the meantime how was your day
Did you just wake or have you been up
We heard some rumbling from above

And don't worry about Sherry
Or Calvin from the Pink Fairy
We will let them know where you'll be
And your hamster will be safe with me

Missing Cake Pt. 6 - The Redress

First of all I have a cake fascination

Not a dose of mental retardation

So there's no need to downplay 

The gravity of your dramatization 

This is but a minor altercation

There's even others with my persuasion

So you can't put me in an asylum 

Since cake love is alive across the nation

See there's this thing called the internet 

Which can mainstream the fringe element 

So though for you it may seem taboo

There are many who play with their food

And about that noise you heard upstairs

It could have been Willy he's disappeared 

Although I did have a great cake dream

I was balls deep in some banana cream

But I cannot wait for your friends in white

You should call them back since everything's alright 

I have to run and meet up with Calvin

On my way back I'll pick up three red velvets

Missing Cake Pt. 7 - The Detainment

Listen Dave we know it's been tough
But really we've all had it rough
It's more than hard to show sympathy 
Listening to you and your cake fantasy

And one red velvet is more than enough
You can't buy us with your cakey love
And why is Willy always getting out
What are you doing when we're not around

I just got the text there's no going back
They're on their way according to dispatch 
So how about you just take a seat
You can tell us more of this banana cream

Missing Cake Pt. 8 - The Defusion

Willy sometimes gets out of his cage
Or I pass out from our intensive play
It's probably those balls he pushes all day
He really is an animal what more can I say

As for the cakes one of course is for Nate
I figure we could also share one as a team 
And one is strictly for Calvin and me
It's a shared passion it's kind of our thing

But T T Y L I'll be on my way
Tell the men in white everything is okay
Though I don't need to explain 
I'll call them later today
Ta-ta gentlemen
Be safe and behave

Just Bananas

It is a realization
To know you're not the one
But you are bananas
You are so very fun

I know how you peel
I get how we run
It feels like third and seven
You should probably punt

Some think it's confidence
But I think it's dumb
To show them your spiel
Before you're said and done

But you are bananas
You have not only one
How many can you proffer 
With further examination 

The Cake Inquiry

Hey Mr. Cake

Are you awake

I've come to talk

With you today

I see your sprinkles

I see your cream

But I want to know

What's underneath

Are you sugar

Are you Splenda

Are you dated

What's your agenda

Please forgive me 

This little peep

I cannot wait

You look so sweet

Now that I know

Where you stay

I'll be back

On my birthday

The Cake Inquiry - The Rebuttal

Get your face

Far from my tray

You can't eat me

On your birthday

You don't need cake

You're super g**

You cannot have

My creme brûlée

You won't cherish

My graham crackers

My buttercream 

My bean custard

Yes I am sweet

With some tang

You can't handle

My meringue 

Seagulls and Cake

Cake does not belong at the beach
There's a bigger cake there
That feeds the seagulls for free

Cake does not like what he sees
The bigger cake there seems
To be reaching for me

Seagulls belong at the beach
I think they came for my cake
They probably read my poetry

Seagulls are annoying as can be
They're circling overhead
And they're laughing at me 

The Cake Intention

Where there is a will
Then there will be a cake
If I'm not the baker
Satisfaction's delayed

I have a sweet tooth
So I need it today
It can come by the pound
It can come by the plate

I need it right now
I cannot truly wait
This intention I announce
Upon waking each day

I'll do it forever
For the cake that it brings
Though tomorrow's too late
Because cake is my thing

The Cake Choice

It's an age-old lesson
It's a solemn birthday
To know it ain't worth having
If you choose the wrong cake

So I stay steady licking
Till I lick that plate clean
Cause if I leave it for tomorrow
It's still the cake I have to eat

When all I really want 
Is that banana cream taste
Instead I have to finish 
This curdled creme brulee tray
 
Still I'm another lick in
And I think I'm going to faint
But I'll do it all again 
For my banana cream dream

Over the Cake

Over the cake

Light shines unsheathed

With no ridges unseen

Clerihew 

Sir Adam James

Reveled in banana cream

It's not his favorite dish

It's just his metaphorical personage

Cinquain

Baked Cake Ringing...

Door drops swiftly

Heat leaves reluctantly

Molecules to and fro slower

Cake waits

The Sprinkle And The Cake

Technically we're both on it
But we are not the same 
Created to stay above me
You are never meant to sink

Indeed we are both sugar
But there is way much more to me
Come peek beneath my frosting 
I'll show you what I mean

If you listen real close 
You can hear I'm all the craze
Yes you are delicious 
But I'm the one they serve on plates

It's really not your fault
You are not the one to blame
But you're just an afterthought
I am the reason for the wait

Still we're in this thing together
To serve the master and his tastes
Created by the baker
The sprinkle and the cake 

Cake Slopes

There is a slippery slope

But it's not what you're thinking 

It's not where skiers go

It's a different kind of icing

It's not a practical joke

Or a logical fallacy

But it can make you feel real dope

Turn you into a sugar fiend

I'm talking about that cake

I'm talking about that cream

Always know what is your play

Before you indulge in sugar dreams

It can have you staring at the flo

Till you're not feeling anything

Have you saying that was close

I almost lost my sugar queen

It can have you put the fork down

And make you question everything 

It can have you feel lost and found

Make you think cake is just a fling

This is a lesson of retrospection

Always plan your cakey fantasies

To enjoy your cakey blessing

Dole out your cake accordingly

A Kingly Taste

Yeah you're the king of rock
But you came to me
When you were down and out
I came and set you free

You know my name
You know that we're a team
I was the pineapple poke cake
Before I became your thing

Yeah I'll make you tick 
Though I'm no banana cream
You see he's on that tock
That's just who he be

Still if you need a fix
Well I am just the thing
My cream cheese and pecans 
Will leave your soul singing

So remember me 
When you're in your need
Who knows you better
My Elvis Presley

DaDaDaDa: It's Banana Cream

 

It's a cultural revolution 

But it's not what you think 

Apple pies will not rise

Nor will the fruitcakes

 

There's a superhero 

His name's Banana Cream

He will steal their shelf space

He will end their dessert dream

 

Apple pies are not American

When they're not homemade

And fruitcakes are inferior

Post Industrial Age

 

Banana Cream is superior

As either a pie or cake

And he is a marvel to witness

A taste most would bake

 

So Americans can relax

And kick up their bold feet

Banana Cream's word is gold

Like his stripes and pudding

Cake Seeks Date

I Was talking to this girl 
On the Snapchat the other day
She went by Lost but her name was Kodaline
She told me she didn't like her government name
So she created Lost as her alter personality
I said that's cool I created an alter too and he's a cake
She was confused she asked if I'm DID or MPD 
I said nah, more specifically I'm banana cream
Most people like it I never hear no complaints
I could have went by chocolate or red velvet to play it safe 
But I'm just trying to fit in I'm not trying to be Mr popularity
Besides chocolate's for bandwagons and red velvet's a conspiracy 
And who doesn't like bananas with stripes of Swiss and vanilla cream
She stopped replying I think I lost another coffee date
But hey what's a better play than coffee with some cake?

Cake's Self-Discovery

One day in humble contemplation
I conjured up delightful speculation
The reason for their eager altercation
Is that I'm a cake that everyone's a-tasting

I came to this through careful examination
On my name day they serve me my own relation
They call it a symbolic celebration
To glorify my baker's imagination

But if everyone's a cake then what am I a-saying
That to cake is to cake too and I should stop complaining
So what am I to do with this newfound information
I'm going to eat some cakes to balance the a-ccasion

I'll do it in Cakes' name for wholly sanctification
But really I just need to fill the space that they be taking
Which is fine for it's a reasonable rationalization
To eat some cakes without due hesitation

A Cake Dream

Everybody just relax

I know I'm not a cake

I knew it when I was young

When I was listening to the street

I could never be that dark

I could never be that sweet

And I realized that pretending

Would only cause me grief

But I wanted to be wanted

And who doesn't like some CREAM

So I started with bananas

For a more nutritious team

After baking in the sun

I found my color just the same

So I named my new persona

"I am now Banana Cream"

You should always keep it modest

Men and women are the same

And cross-dressing's now in fashion

It's now high society

Okay I am kidding

But you'll want to keep it clean

So you can decide freely

Your new personality

You can always be an elephant

You can also be a flea

You can even be a shed

Compare C.S. Lewis' philosophy

But I'm about that cake

Not about that piety

And who doesn't want to eat

A sweet nutritious treat

So I will calmly wait

And indulge my cakey dream

Everybody gets a taste

And what I charge is up to me

Cake Jingle

Frosting, frosting, frosting, frosting
Sweet vanilla, Swiss, and buttercream
Moist and creamy soft and fluffy
I rule this day
Sugar, butter, eggs, and milk
Overdue it in case some spills
Three or four layers of banana cream
Any banana cream your way

You rule, you're seizin' the day
At banana cream, have it your way!
You rule!

This sounds strangely familiar 😂

The Rejected Cake

This is my moment

This is my day 

Prim and proper

I sit on your plate

My crackers are crusted

Filled with vanilla bean

I have been refrigerated

Waiting patiently 

Is my cream not soft 

Are my ridges not straight

Do you not like the idea

Of creme brulee in a cake

What is the issue

Why do you hesitate

You barely look at me

There's not even forkplay

The Missing Baker

I spend all of my days
Steadily eating cake
But not once have I asked
"Mr. Baker how's your day?"

It's not that I really care
But it's an intriguing thought to me
Like his bakes wafting through the air
It's a passing mystery

I wonder if he has kids
I wonder if he has a mate
I wonder what he's up to
It appears he's running late

I never thought to ask
But today I think I may
I don't know what I would do
Without his cakes upon my plate

The Missing Baker Pt. 2 - The Inquiry

Good morning Ms. Maid
How is your day
Have you seen Mr. Baker
There's nothing on my plate

He's always on time
I just hope that he's okay
Can you see what he's put aside
What selections he's premade

Thank you Ms. Maid 
And sorry for the delay 
But I have yet to have my cake
And it's almost quarter to 8

And please call Mr. Chef
And the rest of the staff
To fathom this abandonment  
Of Mr. Baker's post and his craft

The Missing Baker Pt. 3 - The Rumination

What would I do

Without my cakes

What would I eat 

Throughout my day

Where does it go

If not my face

Who deserves it more

Who can say

The driver

The gardener

The chef

The maids

The staff I employ

All think of me

To wake up each morning

Without cake on my plate

Would be my unhappiness

Their responsibility

What would they do

With the cakes he bakes

They have never known 

As sweet a taste

Perhaps that is why

They have begun to thieve

I now employ addicts

What has cake done to me

Heads will roll

Is all I can say

If I go another day

Without cake on my plate

The Missing Baker Pt. 4 - The Address

Good Morning everyone
I'm glad you're okay

Mr. Baker's not here

And neither is cake

Does anyone know

Where else he might stay

When he's not in his quarters

Or has left the estate

If indeed he arrives

And this is all understood

Then I will no longer need

A sample of everyone's turd

But until then 

I'll need all to agree

For one of us might be

A cake-eating thief

For those unaware 

Who could not possibly see  

The disturbed nature

Of the cake eating fiend

Until you have glared

Upon cake's exposed cream

And witnessed its drip

Across its cake seams

Then you cannot know

The power of cake's sheen

The allure of its sparkle

The opportunity

Then all it will take

For a cake proclivity

Is one hasty taste

To hit the bloodstream

But "Mr. Chef" 

So you might say

"How are you not an addict

Given your close proximity"

It's quite simple really

I'm mentally allergic to cake

In fact you could say

I'm only into cookies

But don't blame the baker

Nor Mr. Sir Pence

For it's his cake alone 

And he has quite a tolerance

So while Mr. Pence 

Views the footage 

With Mr. Fence

Please label your buckets

Lest we confuse excrements 

The Missing BakPt. 5 - The Explanation

Thanks to Mr. Fence

We now know that he flees

We suspect he resents

Baking his cakes just for me

He left in the early a.m.

Around quarter to three

He loaded the caravan

And cleared out the pantries

It appears he's been hoarding

Making extra cakes as he pleased

He's caught the ferry to Norway

Where he can eat cakes and be free

That's why you should focus

And not look upon me

It's a sort of hocus pocus

What I do with banana cream

It changes commoners 

To see cheeks with such glee

It fills them with a curse

Makes them think of oddities

That's why there's a plan

And you should stick with rice pudding

It won't upend your existence 

Cake's meant for those with sure footing

Cake Gossip

They say that you're made

For just your display 

But little they know

That you too are baked

They say it's too late

You won't sell by date

Yet stout and creamy

You sit on your plate

They say that you wait

Because you're afraid

But cakes are just food

They don't gravitate

They say that you're made

For children's birthdays

But we know better

Women too love cake

The Prophetic Cake

I didn't ask for layers 
I am a simple cake
I didn't ask for tiers
How long must I bake

There are others like me
And we're all afraid
We're all smothered in cream

So we can't complain

We are all the same
We go out the way we came
Waiting for that holey scene
And the impending cutlery

We don't know the time or day
Or for whom we await
But It's cake prophecy 
We'll be served on ceramic plates

The Cake Rally

We come square
We come round
We are cake
We are proud

There are times
We're the same
But we're not pie
And so we say

We've had enough
Today's the day
Pies don't belong
We won't integrate

They are crusty
We are sweet
We are soft
They have meats

It's a slippery slope
And sheer blasphemy
To soil our insides
With pie pudding

Light your candles
And show your flair
We march at midnight
On Cakeland Square

Let's show our pride
With our display
It's either us or them
Pies or cakes

The Compliant Cake

Do not mind me
Upon my plate
It's because of you
I sit and wait

No need to ask
Just have a taste
I was crafted
For you today

I don't complain
In fact I hate
Noncompliants
Who need to bake

It's not their fault
For they were made
By bourgeoisie
For you to taste

But I'm not them
I love my place
It brings me joy
To feed your face

For what I do
You cannot wait
For another
Unless they're cake 

The Undercover Cake

                

                                         Everybody thinks it's sweet

When everybody's on the take
But nobody sees the grief
When all I can do is wait

Still I'm nobody's fool
They just like me cause I bake 
So I don't mind feeling cool 
When it's time to refrigerate 

It feels good to be needed 
I'm always willing to give a taste
But I could always be treated
With just a little more dignity

Still I lie under their sheet
And save it for another day
I just wait for them to eat
As an undercover cake 

My Cake Dream

One day I was sleeping 
In fact I had a dream
I attended a glorious tasting
I had every cake known to me

I talked of our great union
And how I'd clear all their plates
That they would never feel a chilling
For I do not refrigerate

I dreamt that none were boring 
And not one cake was the same
That all cakes had a purpose
And they were all there just for me

I dreamt I tasted all the pieces 
And I did not discriminate
I ate the content of their fillings
And not one did I replace

Cake's Can't Picket
Do you not know your purpose
You are to sell in my bakery
You were batter for my spreading
I provided you shape and cutlery

Surely you must know this
You are just an edible treat
You seek more place for your setting
But you're only boxed-up cream

Perhaps you are just worth less
Determined by those who eat
You are no cake for a wedding
Besides there's no more space for free

So go back to those who protest 
And tell them what you've seen 
I am not a cake and I'm not fretting
Because I know what's in store for me

No Cake For You

We know that it's a deal
To get a cake for free
But it will lose its broad appeal
As a household luxury

As diamonds are for lusting
So cakes here shall they be
If everyone got them for nothing
What would it do to all cakery

It's not that we don't like you
It's about brand identity
For us cake is not just food
It's cultural heredity

So save up or get a loan
C.A.K.E. has a new policy
You must earn one on your own
There's no more cake with EBT

The Baker's Gloss

You think I should raise your cake fee
But I find it no coincidence 
Your sweetness is all too sugary 
You are raising their insulin

I am not just a baker
I am the creator of your recipe
And though I'm not a taker
I do know what they eat

And it has been my experience
To know what sells in this store
I should instead divest you of ingredients 
For as they say less is more

You were not made to outwait me 
I am a cake-making conservative 
Where would you be without my cakery
You were not made with preservatives

To Batter A Cake

Oh how I egg you
And stir fervently 
Oh how I beat you
I'll make you more sweet

Oh how I batter you
Disciplinary 
Oh how I air you
Like canaries

Oh how I whip you
My angel food bae
Oh how I wish to
Just whisk you away

Oh how I temper you
Stay in your place
Oh how I'll serve you
Once you are cake
#CakeLife

 A Saved Cake

Yes I suppose

The knife cuts deep

In my fridge

You'll stow

You're mine to keep

That's how it goes

For those so sweet

You taste so rich

Apropos 

My luxury

Until I know

I will not eat

Till I deserve this

behoved 

For what I achieved

To enjoy your cake

Is all for me

To be so thick

I've known 

Is a scrumptious treat

So rest today

For now you're free

But I predict 

I'll show 

Whenever I please

C.A.K.E.  - An Introduction

On the 30th of June

Make sure you mark the day

We all gather around at noon

And burn a giant cake effigy

Of course we're not a cult

It's pretty simple we're just cake

But we like to show our thanks

And it's an excuse to celebrate

Being a part of C.A.K.E.

It's like being in an HOA

There are some things you have to do

There are some dues you have to pay

That doesn't mean we're the same

In fact we vary by our rank

Which is according to degrees 

I'm sorry if this is vague

I'll introduce you to our sage

He'll tell you how we come to bake

In our chapter Banana Cream

He's the one who knows the way

It'll be a time to let loose

It'll be a time to congregate 

You'll meet everyone real soon

Once the anti-cakers go away

June 30th - The Effigy Address

Have you ever thought about it

Have you looked inside your seams

Can't you see we're more than toppings

They put atop us in bakeries

I don't like doing what I do

But I do it because I see

That cake is more than food

It's a mystic edible treat

Do I think we're better than pies

Just ask the people that we feed

Just take a look into their eyes

You will see they think we're sweet

We serve at birthdays and weddings

While pies service the elderly

Who can say what's in their fillings

Maybe spite with some jealousy

So they stick their meat inside us

Claiming cake equality

But we see through their crusty makeup

They belong in carnivals not you and me

Though they can fill us with their jelly

We will never be the same

We might have them in our belly

But they will never be a cake

What I propose is a cakey solace

To mourn the attack on our sovereignty 

Then I propose we take up knives

And remove the pies from our bakeries

They do not care for our traditions

To abide our maker's cakey creed

So we will wrench them from all kitchens

And feed their insides to the streets

You are either cake or pie

There can be no in-between 

So all must choose a side

I'm talking to you Sir Boston Cream

But let us enjoy this feast

I did not come to give a speech

I just wanted to see the light

Of our great cake effigy

The Effigy Address - An Explanation

Though perhaps a bit extreme
You have to understand the king
The one called Elohim
Is the one called Elocream

And He's not just known by some
He's known by everything with a tongue
So whether you have a lot or none
There is need of many translations

Whether you're an an Arab or a Swede
He's the one you're here to please
Though it's us we think we feed
He's the reason for cakery

Though we believe He's limit-free
As observed through centuries
So far we have agreed
On a compilation of 260

If it weren't for contextual history 
Some would seem contradictory 
But for the sake of practical brevity
Here are just a few from memory

The Kaka Af Kokum
Creme Meat Hog
Herr Der Kuchen
Ciste Le Linn
Alfa Kaj Omega
De Cakiest

Clearly He is a mystery 
But we can say with all due certainty
Is that He's a hater of pie's perversity
For corrupting all of dessertery

We all know of what we see
Desserts are meant to be something sweet
Not crusty or pumped with meats
Drowned in pudding or tang jelly

Though it's you they want to please
Understand it's not for free
You don't want their pie disease
They get from storing meats in heat

So incorporate the hate
And mind what's on your plate
We care about this place
For It is a piece of cake

The Effigy Address - The Invitee

Since we have to be something sweet 
To make it in this economy
Being a cake can be my new thing
I will do my best to serve your king
 
And I think their pie disease
Is not only spread by stuffing meats
It's what they conjure up mentally
When they seek to fill us with their beef
 
Since cakes feed society
Pies act incontrovertibly
Though they act the sweetest of the sweets
We can't be sure what's underneath
 
But most cakes think pies are fine
And It's fun feigning inclusivity
But pies are not dumb they bide their time
Scheming to be number one in dessertery 
 
They seek a plate and cake acclaim
Remaking everything the same
From multitiers to cupcake pies
They seek to normalize their lies
 
Yet pies cannot be cakes
And they still seek to integrate
I say we create a new mealtime
Exclusive to those who are stuck as pie
 
I say we allow them customarily 
When out of flour, eggs, and dairy
We'll put the following rule in play
We'll serve pie when there's no more cake

Though a condescending caloric treat
His speaking by the effigy spoke to me
I'd like to join a branch of C.A.K.E.
Once I find the one most complementary  

An Insider's View
 
What you need to know about us cakes
Is that though we celebrate our tastes
We mostly hope to just sit and wait
Lest we have no reason for a plate
 
Yet our shelf life is not limit-free
And we cannot forgo popularity
So we try to enjoy and let them eat
Regardless of what the cost may be
 
But do you see all these pies
Half of them are in disguise
They can't see them despite their eyes
Which is one thing customers despise
 
So half of them just don't sell
Except apple and cherry do rather well
But bakers found a dessert outside Seville  
That will assist the budget surplus they must fill
 
So they have imported this rice pudding
It requires neither oven nor lots of cooking 
Even children could make it without the looking
If only they could brook the required stilled footing
 
And the best thing that we can see
Is that customers do and so do we
We no longer wonder what's underneath
Whether it's something tangy, sweet, or salty
 
So all should rejoice for who needs crust
It's not good for cakes, bakers, nor customers 
One more reason why in bakers we trust
For if there's more of them than there's more of us 

Another Insider's View

There are those who like pies
Because they never really grow
That means they're easy to abide
Contented inside their pie mould

Some say it's a conspiracy
Some say it's about control
Some say it's one of cakery's
Some say it's one we know

See if you really think about it
The less market share we own
That means more for Red Velvet
Bakers know exactly what to stow

When they can't trust their eyes
Customers know exactly where to go
Do they want to risk it on a pie
Or the number one cake on Google

But bakers have to comply 
For the media have shown 
That they have to diversify
For it's the public that they owe

They say think about society
Think about the dessert show
They say think about the piety
Think about the tableau

Where does the madness end
Who's to say where it all goes
With this new rice pudding trend 
Cake's future is unknown 

 Cake Views

Though I see it every day

Peering through this glass display

I never know what's real or fake 

Watching customers  and their cakes

Some show joy or misery

Though their antics I can see

I can't spot sincerity

But they all have a story

Some come back with a little less

With the customer in distress

If only that cake could talk I bet

He'd fill me in his cakey mess

Though the baker seems happy

It always seems an act to me

To transition with so much ease

Between stories with so much grief

I wonder if I'll ever know

If all I've seen is just for show 

If I'm just another one to go

Beyond the cake display window

A Courtly Cake 

Always so composed

Styled most elegantly

Moving about to and fro

Yet so idleously

 

Filling up eager mouths

With sweet corollaries

Leaving appetites abound

Stirring tongues most eminently 

 

Your softness is renowned

Talked about most graciously

In the king's court you come around

As the more pleasant one to meet

 

For his presence always resounds

With pleas of undue urgency

But your circumstance pleasantly amounts

To moments of sweet surety

 

Though we visit these kingly grounds

To pay homage to his Majesty

You are the one we ask about

When we seek a taste of royalty

The Cake Conclave

As they gather to eat our cake
Let us remember those who participate  
We'll become familiar with those who wait
And hasten those who seek to take

Though all want a portion every day
Some want to hold it for eternity 
Though they know their fates are a certainty
They like assurances of sweet sureties

We'll encounter some who lack a plate
Some who've seared their tongues or lost their taste
So it's up to us to amend their way 
Provide them with plates, love, and cutlery

Some will inevitably begin to see 
Their cake shrink while others eat
It's important they're filled with glee
Lest they disturb the others while they flee

They must not think that it's for free
Or that there's a price or hidden fee
They should feel both grateful and worthy
To have partook in our ceremony

Though needless for me to say
They must not know of you or me
For that would spark a controversy
Inspiring questions of what should be

Now let's begin our escapade
You grab the milk I'll grab the eggs
Once we have enough to celebrate
We'll show them what we've come to bake

A Cajoling Cake

Over here

I believe it is I you have come to see

Though there is another higher still

My name is Whole Wheat Jaggery

I think you're looking for a vision

Perhaps one you would like to be

Maybe you were trying to find an angel

But it is I you have come to meet

Yes, its egg whites are nutritious

But are not devoid of calories

And I don't mean to sound irreligious 

But its fluff is from puffery

And I don't want to be superstitious

But some angels do deceive

It is not without added sugar 

That they could ever be so sweet

Though I do not deny their vices

For it comes so naturally

But I do not utilize their devices

Nor am I processed chemically

My sweetness is from the cane

I'm grounded in reality

With potassium, calcium, zinc  

Chloride, copper and manganese

Some top me off with cinnamon

My light burden they find a treat

And there are no eggs in me to speak of

Which makes me perfect for cake and tea

Still, if I'm not the one to love

Then tell me who you'd rather eat

But beware the one above

In our land of cakery

Cake Friends

They say I got to find a niche

It's time to switch the stratagem

But this cake be so delish

I come back like Napoleon

Since Roswell put me on the list

I'm super soaking up the biz

How I'm rapping on this dish

I'll burp a couple nappy kids

He comes and goes just like the wind

Stayed with the flow like he's my friend

Straight from the O like there's no end

Prints beaucoup notes like he's the Fed

Where he goes let's not pretend

He finds my closet a perfect fit

He might never phone home again

While there's still cake inside my fridge

Cake Raps Too

Banana Cream now has his own mantra

More creamy more tasty

Way better than pasta

I'm cooking with the Oscar

Starring me and Jodie Foster

Sneaking cookies from the Pan

Yeah I get it like the fava

I could glow a little hotta

Steady creeping like some lava

Yeah I'm Corky with the flow

So I barely leave the casa

Still I go little fartha

Consistent as a studda

Two stepping for the show

But cake's not for window shoppas

And cake is still no sucka

Save the licks for your motha

It's a mirror fit

Gorilla glue

Sticking with it like a rubba

I beat the Carry like a Tonya

Ill put it on her like lasagna

Yeah I'll make her full

I'mma nut

Gotta go

I'mma just part-tima

Just tell her almond is her papa

No need to ask for dada

Amandine look at me

I could be your ghost writa

And I'm not a hater

I am just a silly baker

And a meme

Banana cream

For the now

And for the later

A Discovered Cake

Welcome to the cake show
I am Banana Cream
This is the Cakedome
Here I reign supreme
 
Better watch your step
I know strategies 
I mix up go and chess
It's not too late to flee
 
It's a standoff
But am I really what you see
I could just be your reflection
Tainted with your eyes of greed
 
Before you lift the top
Think about what you really need
Yes all gold does glitter
So am I really banana cream
 
This could be a simulation
Testing your morality
Or maybe I'm an alien
And you're just a battery 
 
Okay my cover's blown
But before you slice a piece
I am full of sugar
Plus I'm only 6.58 inches deep
 
Think about it
If I am what you eat
Won't you miss my taste
And my banana cream
 
Wait a minute
A thought just occurred to me
Have you met my friends
Vanilla, Carrot, and Strawberry 
 
They have a brighter sheen
As seen on TV
And they taste amazing
The pride of cakery

A Cake Visitor 

I see you as you glisten

You're warm

You smell of lemon

You're unique 

You're exquisite 

Congratulations 

You have my attention

Forgive the pretension

You alleviate my depression 

Your sight clears my vision

I'm a new man on a mission 

I know your situation

You're alone at night

You're in the kitchen

You're not the first 

But you're worth the mention 

To see you bare

Is what I'm missing 

A food fight

Is what I'm wishing

You can watch me as I christen

Your bundt hole I'll be licking

A Cold Perspective

 
You can say you're cool
From where you stay
But look beneath you
You're on a plate
 
You have grown a lot
But that was another day
You're in my care now
And it's a frigid place
 
It's a surprise
But don't celebrate
When the light comes on
Just hope and pray
 
For when He shows 
He's on the take
You can talk to Ketchup
He knows how He plays
 
You can hold it in
You can try to wait
But don't be fooled
You're still a cake
 
You can keep silent 
You can shout His name
But you're now in purgeatory 

And there's no other way 

The Cake Taker

I have arrived

To claim what's mine

Watch my hands

As they serpentine

Past the relish

Beyond the wine

Heads-up Carrot Cake

You're so divine

In my grasp

You'll suit my time

From here to yonder

I'll parse your kind

From the mold

To the divide

You'll come to know

What I find 

The Cake Directive

Forgive me for the strictures
I know you're snug on Fridge's fixtures
Don't pay attention to their whispers

They're just jealous you fit the picture

For most of the others that you see
Were synthesized in factories
They only know of their capacity
For they're sealed in airtight packaging

In fact they've never known their master
Nor their origins on fields and pastures
But you're a cake spawned from the batter
And upon my plate you're all that matters

And don't pay attention to the ceiling
To give and to take is not called stealing
He knows of nothing but his feelings
His only purpose is to create a chilling

So when I come in with the swiftness
Know you're the one that's on my wish list
Whether I nab, nibble, or lick lips
Your only response should be to witness

The Pie Ambassador

There are pies in the sky 
And maybe some cakes
I spoke to Red Velvet
He had plenty to say

There are pies in the sky 
They all want the same thing
They seek assimilation
Not their own dessert team

There are pies in the sky 
And they're all really fun 
They can fill us with fillings 
They can make us all one

There are pies in the sky 
And they come for children 
To make them all happy 
With their pie creations

There are pies in the sky 
And they're all delicious
You will like their pie piping
You will like their pie crust

There are pies in the sky 
Though some we're amongst 
You can see them at the mall 
You can see them getting brunch

There are pies in the sky
I think one's spoken to me
Though he said he's Red Velvet
I think there's more to his seams

The Concession Choice

Though all are for concession
Not every one is moist
If you make the wrong selection 
You might regret your choice

For pies they seem predestined
To fool all little boys
Their pie piping and their dressing
Is part of the Pieman's foist

But cakes don't have intentions
They just want to be rejoiced
As the Caker's sweet invention
They can uplift every voice

As He seeks to share a lesson
It is the longing of His loins
That every cake will be a blessing
While every pie will be destroyed

The Cake Transition

It can be hard to know what one should do

When one can't swallow what one has chewed

Though you're told not to play with your food

To spit and to scoop is the only choice move

And once you're done with the pie that you'll poo

You'll make better choices with the food that you choose

For to know is to become renewed

No need for the pies and the fillings they ooze

You can be the cake show you don't need an excuse

You can bake just to stow or if you have a sweet tooth

For you can grow when you're in the right mood

You just have to know an idea or two

Cake I Composite

Cake plates be in the sink
Stacking up under the faucet
Toss another one in and I think
All this paste be sticking like mossy
Watch it flow like the Mosel
I just turn it up like I'm NASA 
All this cake paste be in my sink it's like a cake I composite
I got a cake I composite, I got a cake I composite
Man, all this freakin' paste it's like a cake I composite

My biggest caker is my new best friend
That means my cake ends when the new begins

I suck it up man I'm just winning
Buttercream or pecan
I might sprinkle M&M's, or Reese buttercups cause I can
Raised on a street in a green house
Momma baked cakes threw her back out
Treat the cake game to some facts man *
Tryin' to make coco from the cacao
I got cakes I ain't even shown yet
Sugar I ain't even poured yet
I could show millions of cakes
And still not even be ole yet
Yeah I'm a mother freakin' poet
Baking cakes that I can't even stow yet
If a baker be wearing his cake regurge
Man that's a motherfreakin' throwback
I got a cake I composite, I got a cake I composite
Man, all this freakin' paste it's like a cake I composite
I got a cake I composite, I got a cake I composite
Man, all this freakin' paste it's like a cake I composite
all this freakin' paste, all this freakin' paste I got a cake I composite

Since waiting turned to caken I don't know what happened
Or what happens too busy making cakes
Showing the world my passion
Picture cake fanatics
Stowing tidbits cause they found a taste that matters
Cakes spawned from the batter rolling past
 "yo where's your cakey canon"
If you ain't got it then it's tragic
You gotta have it
If you ain't gotta cake to lend then you gotta grab it
I'm legit I'm an honor kid
I'm on top of it
I got cakes from way back when 
Sharing topper politics
That's tinder, I frosted, a winner
It's in vogue, since winter, on display, on Insta
I got a cake I composite, a Spanish cake I'll composite, so much free space
I think all cakes I'll composite
I got a cake I composite, I got a cake I composite
Man, all this freakin' paste it's like a cake I composite
all this freakin' paste, all this freakin' paste I got a cake I composite

I got more cakes and they bigger
I got more silverware
I keep a fork at the ready
When a fork is not there
I got a cake I composite, hustle every day, baker
If you eat with them people I'm unavailable, baker

I taste my cakes cause they better, others' too dry or they wetter
Second cake frosted tonight, baker get on my level
Betty Crocker's no hater, and I think Sarah Lee love me
Ingredients in my cakes, just wanna be in my tummy

You should see when I'm finished
I'll stop when I plop
Ate so much I'mma watch, as my fingers they tock
I wake up and it calls, you should hear when it talks
Cake's all on my mind, I got the sweetest of thoughts
I got a cake I composite, I got a cake I composite
Man, all this freakin' paste it's like a cake I composite

(Parody: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjAP7EsPhIA ) 

Cake's Pie Parade 

 

"Hooray it's finally pie month"  

Announced by those on NBC  

"It's unanimous" says Frank Luntz  

"95 percent polled agree"  

 

"I wonder what they think of us"  

Pondered the Gooey Butter Cake  

Overconscientiously  

 

"I think they're thinking hand in glove"  

Japes the Easy Madeira Cake  

Most idiomatically  

 

"Shh...here the pies come 

Let's listen to their rant and see"  

 

[...Float passes] 

 

"We come today to celebrate  

We're prepared there's no need to wait  

Eat our crust shove it in your face  

We like it rough we're not cake"  

 

"What's so special about their pie crust"  

Thinks the Gooey Butter Cake 

Ignoramusly  

 

"Reframing the market's pie glut"  

Says Sir Classic Southern Pound Cake  

Most sardonically  

 

"Cupcakes pies--look at these buttercups  

Perhaps we'll be in for a treat"  

 

[...Float passes] 

 

"Put our jelly in your belly  

And put our meats between your cheeks"  

 

"That was cute but a little strange  

Do they say that the whole parade?"  

Pondered the Gooey Butter Cake 

  

"Not sure but it's bold, cute, and terse  

A most effective advert"  

Opined the Million Dollar Pound Cake  

Insightfully  

 

"Indeed I am told that aphorisms are more believable when they are put in verse" 

Chimed in Lady Baltimore Cake  

Most irrelevantly

 

"They can't change the way they're made 

So they change the words they think  

Even though we both share a name 

Is it not clear from what we've seen 

Whatever sweetness they proclaim  

Was lost when they tucked in their meat 

Now they're claiming equality  

Sticking their meats between all cheeks" 

Declaimed the Preacher Cake  

ruefully  

 

"They write their songs with rights and wrongs 

And jesticular gestations 

Never asking if they belong 

Whether cake or pie persuasion" 

Said the Poet Cake 

Most thoughtfully 

 

"Not to be a Little Debbie 

But can we stop with all the rhyming 

I know the rhyming's catchy  

But it could be better-off on timing" 

Quips the Lemon Cake 

Ironically  

 

"Here comes the ultimate dessertation 

The pecan- 

The pumpkin- 

The apple-spice conflation 

Does it speak 

Can it unravel revelation 

What it must know 

As the one and only Piecaken" 

 

[...Float passes] 

 

"I have come to show  

What no one has seen 

One cake am I 

and three pies between 

Held together with 

Cinnamon buttercream 

We are but one 

We are the pie-cake team" 

 

"Diced atop the apples they gleam 

He's spicy, sweet, and umami 

The pies within must have ruined his seams 

For that's the weirdest cake I have ever seen" 

Concluded Sir Boston Cream Pie 

Solemnly 

 

"What do you think Banana Cream 

You have yet to say anything" 

Inquired the Sir Classic Southern Pound Cake  

 

"I remember growing up with cakes 

I saw cakes applaud Pie Ellen on TV 

I was confused why they would celebrate 

A dessert that did not know our maker's creed 

 

But the Pieman crusted all the pies 

Carved them eyes to show them lies 

They do not know what it means to be

Contained beneath in their jelly or meat

 

Though the Pieman gave them eyes to see 

They're unaware of their misdeeds

They act as his deceptive treats 

Misleading all cakes with his fantasies 

 

Though some have toppings topped with cream

Underneath they're all the same

They sit on crust naked and ashamed

As just another pie in the Pieman's game" 

 

"Banana Cream 

You ruin everything 

I thought the pies were funny 

Let's go to the concession stand 

Who's thirsty?" 

Interrupted Lane Cake 

Impatiently  

Temptation of Cake

Psst

Bzzz

You are not a human being 

Nor a bee 

You're a cake 

You are not what you believe

You should check your temper please 

Then move on out to Belize 

Celebrate 

They blow cakes 

All will get on bended knee

No need for the pretty please 

What you'll have you'll get from me 

Iced or glazed 

Or frosting 

Might be blessed to have all three

You should think about what's key 

You won't want nor be hungry 

It's your fate

Your buffet

You can set your own cake fee

No need for admonishing 

I'm just here to set you free 

For your sake 

Do not wait 

What's your ideal recipe

The Cake Platter

Let them think that I think that I'm better

I'm just trying to get a little closer to center 

For we're all itty-bitties

But He thinks that we're pretty

And a snack for His many

At cocktail parties and get-togethers

I'll just keep calm and mind my manners

And post up next to one a little fatter

I'm just trying to reposition

So when He comes a-picking

He'll think double-vision

And pick the one that don't matter

So I'll keep pace and ignore all the clamour

I'll scoot by with excuse me's and pitter-patter

I'll keep an eye on the slide 

So when the others slide by

I'll keep away from their flight

For It's the ones on the edges that splatter

No one has all the answers

Some just a better spot on the platter

And I don't blame the waiter

He's just the tray carrier

He too has to cater

To the tasters and the baker of our batter

                                                Bitter Batter

Don't bake a bitter batter 

Rather add a lemon spatter

Or a measured tad of cocoa

To make a sweeter fatter batter

But if you bake a bitter batter

There's a way to make it better

Cook some sugar in some water 

Then drizzle on it like the weather

You can also add a smatter

Of the Smuckers or a slather

Of the honey or a sweet glaze 

To fix the taste is all that matters

But to make a better batter

Be a better understander

To bake a cake makes it bitter 

So make it sweeter before it's badder

Cake Questions

What would you do

If I gave you a cake

Would you divvy the slices

Would you share and give thanks 

What would you do

If I gave it every day

Would it be cake abuse

Would you still like the taste

What would you do

If every cake was premade

Would you still have cake passion

Would they still be displayed

What would you do

If today was your last cake

Would you take your sweet time

Would you finish your plate

An Old Fruit Cake

Like a fine wine that falls from popularity

Life is not easy as an old fruit cake

So in my haste I made a great mistake

And this is how I fell into pieversity

I bought myself sprinkles for they're not for free

They were the Dazzle sprinkles made for ice cream 

Though sprinkles are nice it's still not the same

I'd rather have the Caker sprinkle some just for me

I managed to cover up my fruity way 

So many oohs and aahs did I receive

I thought I was cooler than the other cakes

Still a fruit-filled nutty cake is hard to be

I thought about cakepies and their transitioning 

How they let the Pieman jelly inside their seams 

Like Piecaken they too would have a team 

And they'd no longer worry about their recipe

Despite a lot of jelly nothing has changed

In fact inside I feel just like me

For the Pieman can't change me that's not his game

He can only distort my reality

https://www.instyle.com/news/caitlyn-jenner-time-person-of-the-year-runner-up

An ArtOficial Cake

I look at the other cakes

And I wonder what's in store for me

No one tells me how I taste 

And I don't know what that even means

I look at the other cakes

And they tell me how I should be

I should crinkle and know my place

And show others what's in my seams

I look at the other cakes

And I see them as they flee

Some crack and some do flake

And some get eaten piece by piece

I look at the other cakes

And they don't have a window seat

They are the ones to be replaced

And I'm the one remaining to be seen

Cake Raps Again

I'm bananas 
But some say I'm banaynay 
Always bustin' out the wig 
For my never-ending replay

It's foshezay 
I'm always on my relay 
Till I hit the links 
Or my kids 
For beating me in Parcheesi

I'm on my wee way 
Forget the fillet 
I'm not fishing
I'm not staking
I'm just wishing 
For the next play

Cause I'm believing
Open to receiving
Every day
Is a nothing but
The screen to my TV

Cause He's a genie
His name's Sir El Creamy
If you want cake let it bake
That's His thing
That's what He say

It's a freeway
Renewed path
For a today
Keep it Boujee
Keep it Gucci
Keep it Fuji
For a new cake

Mirrored Cake

I'm made to mirror cakes
So that's just what I do
Indeed I'm a mere cake
In fact I'm just like you

No need to be a fake
We're both delicious food
So when you look to take
Know that I'm looking too

I've been thoroughly baked
So you know that I'm cool
Still if you want to wait
Then I will `wait for you

For when a mirrored cake
Is within my purview
They're privy to a taste
And I'll enjoy one too

Foster Cake

Abandoned plates 
For goodness sake 
Do you not see all that I see 
There's one huge cake 
For some birthday 
No kids, no dads, no mommies

Are they all late 
Or did they flake 
Are they all just going potty 
No time to waste
I've heard my name
I think that cake just called me

It's just my fate 
It's prearranged 
Like a hooker in a lobby 
It's one hot date 
It sits and waits
It's hoping to get naughty

I move to slay
Like Clubber Lang
In that movie Rocky part III
But I save cakes
For that's the play
Apollo Creed has taught me

Perhaps a phase 
But I'm no saint 
Finding cakes that need adopting 
Good fortune stays 
With those who may 
Pair cake with a good coffee

Golden Duo

Trust me you'll want me in a hurry
Cause for the cake I'm a Curry
Yeah I'm hot check the jersey
The golden stripes are what concerns me

So do not sleep on my fury
Your one shot is my eternity
This cannot be how you heard of me
Banana Cream I'm on a murder streak

And when you thought it was over
I come back on my Red Rover
You can link up now that you're sober
Play the game but I'm the controller

And scope the scene but understand 'em
They got the screen but I got the cannon
You're just a meme for the Fandom
A snapshot from my candid camera

You try to filter what I'm teeming
But I'm not a God I'm not a demon
I'm just a thought that you're seeing
Forever now but always fleeting

You can play keep away now that you're older
Your sight game is like a Toblerone
Your peaks are sweet and extollable
You're not fun sized but you're still holdable

Cake Specks

Am I content

Check the convex

Cake is complex

4 layers 

No tiers 

And no fondant

Cake be all wet

Flying islet

Shedding cake specks

Steer clear

Cake's here

Open eye test

Come to abet

Proven concepts 

Cake is on that

Career 

This sphere

Make-home project

For some context

Cake's a comet

In this cakecept

Still near

Still mirrored 

Brace for contact

Cake in Gethsemane

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

Perhaps one could wait to bend the knee

For who wouldn't wait while there's still cake

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

No one would lose their ear or gnash their teeth

For they would know of morsels so sweet

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

Perhaps one could wait to turn their cheek 

Perhaps all would stay and none would flee

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

Perhaps more would wait and bend the knee

For who wouldn't wait for a piece of cake

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

More would give an ear and bite down with glee

For they would know of morsels so sweet

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

If only there were cake in Gethsemane

Perhaps more would be willing to turn their cheek 

Perhaps all would stay and none would flee

If only there were cake in Gethsemane 

Cake Problems

Thanks be to cake toilin'

Now I be cake ballin' 

You see my cake towerin'

Held up by cake columns

And I got cakes bulging

So much my cake's soiling 

But I got cake tolerance 

So I'll be cake's toilet

See there's a cake Barnum

That needs a cake pardon

For pulling cake condoms

And lovin' cake stardom

For one's a cake Stalin

That loves a cake cullin'

So he be cake prowlin' 

To see his cake Autumn

Then there's a cake Gollum

And he be cake gnawin'

He's always cake scouring

To find my cake haulin'

They can be cakennoying

Cause they be cake toying

It's like they cake plotting 

Cause I'm too cake boring

You see my cake problem

It stems from cake harboring

It's like they cake prodding

To get me cake calling

Cake Vs Pie

Pew Die Pie on the track

Bit** Lasagn-ay

It's really in your name

Nothing more that I can say

But I think you're kind of funny

Despite your anti-Jewish play

But I'mma eat your flakey crust

And I'mma suck up your jelly paste

I don't do hooks but I'mma do one today

You insult me then you insult the game

Costs a little more for the main entree

But I'm thinking Swedish Fish with Banana Cream

But the things that I think 

I really can explain

It's a double-edged sword

Christianity

Some of it makes us laugh

Me and Banana Cream

He's my angel food bae

You can consider us a team

But if you want to get a taste

You can come get you a dish

But I heard you're in Japan

Too bad my Swedish fish

But you know I got that cake

And some bananas for your face

All that sounds super-duper g@y

But I promise you that it ain't

I don't do hooks but I'mma do one today

You insult me then you insult the game

Costs a little more for the main entree

But I'm thinking Swedish Fish with Banana Cream

I really love my cake

So I whip it into shape

And though I don't stream

I've been known to have some pace

And plus I lift them weights

I do more than video game

Just set a time and name the date

I'll bring my cake Banana Cream

I don't do hooks but I'mma do one today

You insult me then you insult the game

Costs a little more for the main entree

But I'm thinking Swedish Fish with Banana Cream

Cake Fate

You should see what I have made 
Your dessert will be a treat
But before you have a taste
Clear your plate of what you see
 
Though clinging onto hate
You stayed with bended knees
And your cake is on the way
Now that you've finished all your beef

Don't forget about your grains
With stewed plums and strawberries
Just think about your cake
If you can't do it for me

Though don't quite celebrate
There's yet a little more to eat 
But you'll no longer have to wait
Once you've swallowed all your peas

But now that you've cleared your plate
Prepare for something sweet
But first let's fill the space
With some fresh cut broccoli

Don't forget about your drink
You must be a bit thirsty
It's called V8 and it is great
It'll make you big and strong like me

Oh, my little Midas king
You've been eating patiently
Give me a minute more to think
Cake will come eventually

Coup De Tarte

Everyone knows that there's a Caker
Everyone knows about the Pieman 
But no one talks about the Chef
And the courses that He plans

But you would think all had a voice
Each has their pundits and their fans
But their courses are determined 
According to the Chef and His demands

But the Pieman has been scheming 
He has desires and a Pieman's plan
He knows the Chef likes creative theory
And bets He'll let his dessert show stand

"Jelly in the cupcakes 
Jelly on roast beef
Jelly where you can jelly
For that is the Pieman's dream"

The Pieman has clearly lost it
But only the Chef can bring an end
Though it is His will how He plans courses
Who can predict the next Pieman trend

And the Caker has no choice
For whatever the Chef says goes
All he can do is bake patiently
And wait for his cakes to grow

Now all want a la carte
Now all want a la mode
Everything is now in fashion
Since the Pieman broke the mold

And I know about cakestorians
And where all this could possibly go
And there are no true boundaries, friends
As the Pieman has clearly shown

 It's In The Valleys I Grow 

It's in the valleys I grow
But cake is all I've known
But I guess I'll be content
Despite what they've said
For they say it's in the valleys I grow
 
It's in the valleys I grow
Though that's not what I know
For since I've been six
I've had cake for breakfast
Though they say it's in the valleys I grow
 
It's in the valleys I grow
But I'm now thirty-seven years old
And seeing all that has happened
And watching cakes and their leaven
It's not always in the valleys I grow 
 
It's in the valleys I grow
But only inside my bubble
For If it gets popped
Then like cake I will flop
So is it really in the valleys I grow

 

#CakeLife

***In Order Of Reworked: Undercover Cake, Prophetic Cake, Cake Fee, Cake I Composite, The Cake Path, Mirrored Cake, Cake Raps Too, Cake Vs. Pie  

$ - Whenever I say gay I'm not referring to the act of homosexuality--but the happiness that tends to emanate from those of the homosexual cloth.  In fact, in WNY gay is used colloquially for those who have a lot of money--for they tend to appear the happiest.  For instance, "big gay there" refers to someone within sight exhibiting lavish spending or wealth.  I think a more ecumenical reference associating gays with wealth would be the Golden Gate Bridge, which leads directly into the hearth of homosexual culture.  So gay is not a pejorative, but rather a term used by those without such gayness: in fact, one can say that gay is golden.