Finding Calvin pt 2. - 2- Powder Privilege

 

Though he got what he wanted 
Something didn't feel quite right 
What was it he was needing 
But wasn't seeing 
And wasn't 
In hindsight 

But one can't eat a Sweetheart 
If it is not the right time 
For if it is still teething 
Then just believing 
Is weaving 
The right mind 

These thoughts were circulating 
As he was navigating 
Lord Lamington's promenade 
For today's the day 
For jelly 
And subplot 

[...]

[Lamington]

Welcome Calvin.  It's so nice to see you.  This is my niece, Sarah.  

[Sarah]

It's a pleasure to meet you, Calvin.

[Calvin]

Likewise.  Thank you.  

[...]

Sarah was pretty, pale, and proper
And she had a look of munificence 
But with her teenage emotions underneath 
It was coupled with a hint of frivolousness 

And just like the powdery blueberries

She was the image of nutritiousness 
And given her bloom privilege  
There'd be no need for a litmus test 

[Lamington]

Chauncer, please take his jellies and prepare them on some small cakes.  Thank you...

Have a seat, Calvin, would you like some ostrich egg?   

[Calvin]

No, thank you though.

[Lamington]

We were just talking about a delightful wedding we attended at Canteburry Briar.  They had the biggest cake I've ever seen.  What do you think, Sarah, was it 6 tiers high?  

[Sarah]

Yes, I believe it was. 

[Lamington]  

And it tasted of cinnamon and...something.  What do you think it was, Sarah?

[Sarah]

I have no idea.  But you should ask Mr. Baltimore, he couldn't stop staring at it.  

[Lamington]

Well, he does seem like a man deep in thought:  a woolgatherer for certain.

[Sarah]

How could he not be—with his wife always droning on about her charity.  We all know she started it because of her little psychopathic son.  

[Lamington]

It comes in degrees, darling.  No one is born that way.  Everybody who has to struggle is a little psychopathic--unless they're resigned to their lot in life.   

[Sarah]

Yes, one shouldn't be a rug.  I agree.  But can you imagine that; a little psychopathic baby teething from your teat;  It would be like nursing a cat.  [joking]

But I think  he should at least be baker acted--no pun intended, Calvin.  

[Calvin]

No, it's quite alright.

[Lamington]

So Calvin, how did you come to run a pastry establishment?

[Calvin]

Well, It was kind of a platform for a bigger venture.  It just seemed like a logical choice.

[Lamington]

How so?

[Calvin]

After I graduated from uni. my father gave me a small sum to buy my first Denny's.  It was hell, but I learned a lot.

[Sarah]

Oh, a Denny's.  I passed one of those when I went to visit Emily.  They're delightfully rustic.

[Lamington]

They're everywhere, dear.

[Sarah] 

That reminds me uncle, we need to renegotiate my semester in Spain.  I don't think a chaperone is necessary.  

[Lamington]

I'm sorry dear, but when I told your mother I would take care of you, I meant it.   The best I can do is have Mr. Berg and Mr. Andersen shadow you and Emily.  If you're living in the moment, as girls your age are prone to do, you'll hardly notice they're around...

Ah, and here comes the cakes.  Thank you, Chauncer...so what did you go to college for, Calvin?

[Calvin]

I majored in agriculture and minored in business.

[Lamington]

And where did you attend?

[Calvin]

Texas A&M

[Sarah]

"Well, hot dog!"—isn't that your mascot?  I saw it on TV once.  

[Calvin]

Yes it is—nice twang.

[Lamington]

That's a very respectable institution, Calvin...

So, what was your goal when you started?

[Calvin]

I was supposed to follow in my father's footsteps and take over the farmstead, but you could say that I had a change of heart.  But sooner or later it became about the money.

[Lamington]

Well, I can certainly help you out with that...Sarah, I want you to introduce Calvin to Xao and Chiffon.  They're shooting a movie at the lot and I think they can help us out with our shared business venture.

[Sarah]

"I remember you, on that farm, with that stupid little boy...by the time this war is over, I'm going to kill you"

[Lamington]

Sarah,  please.  

[Sarah]

He's amazing

[Lamington]

Calvin, they're both good friends of mine and they'll be happy to help us out.  

[...] 

They loved the Kirsche Kreuzitter 
The Lingonberry

The Creama Di Banane
The York Jam, Confiture De Figues
And of course, the Nordisk Rush

Then Lamington and Calvin withdrew
To find Lamington's personal study 
They settled in the large room
And talked about how they'd sell Calvin's jelly

[Lamington]

To avoid any unnecessary attention,  I'm going to pay you through a shell company called Purple Mirror...I'm also going to set you up with a friend of mine.  We're going to upgrade you to a production facility.  It's time to free your people up so they can focus on what they do best.  

[...]

All of a sudden
Chauncer arrives

[Chauncer]

Pardon me, sir
But there is an issue in the basement that requires your immediate attention

[Lamington]

I apologize, Calvin, but I will be back shortly

[...]

And without further excuse
Lamington departs the room
And Calvin's feet started to move
To the several paintings in his view

One reminds him of a layered cake
With a personage between the seams
It's hard to know what the painting means
Perhaps it's the painter within his dreams

In silence he would survey
Until he heard a loud machine
He makes his way to where it lays
And then he reads from its printed sheet:

"Project G-Spot is still a go - Commander Lundgren"

As he hears the outer doors 
And Mr. Lamington enters the room
Calvin wasn't where he was before
As he mentions right on cue

[Calvin]

This is brilliant.  Who painted this?

[Lamington]

You wouldn't know him.

[Calvin]

Are these two paintings connected?

[Lamington]

Good eye. It can be assumed that one is through the eyes of a merchant, and the other is through the eyes of a king.  It reminds us of the codependent nature of civilization...

There's a certain genius to Chiffon, Calvin
But the problem with genius is that it demands to be repeated
And that kind of burden can drive one mad
Just keep that in mind when he begins to ramble

[...]

He walks over to the fax machine

As if just noticing the colored ink
Though he pauses he doesn't read

At least if so it doesn't seem

[Lamington]

Sarah and I will be going to my island this weekend 
And I would like for you to come with us
You can bring a lover if you wish
It is quite a majestic place 

[Calvin]

Oh, I don't know

[Lamington]

Think about it Calvin.  You won't regret it. 

[...]

But Calvin would soon depart 
And with Sarah in his care 
The drive was quiet but it wasn't far
And he would ponder Mr. Lamington's affairs

Like what is project G-Spot
And why does he go to the Pink Fairy
Should he be concerned about the island
Or the possible secrets that he buries

[...]

As they arrived to the studio lot
In his sunlit tinted Mercedes 
They looked like two peas in a pod
And white bloom on the bluest berry 

As they moseyed to the shooting spot
They saw faces glad but weary
They all buzzed with caffeine or pot
Assisting like a honey or native bee

[Sarah]

Look there's Chung Lee and Whoopi Huang Ho

[Calvin]

She doesn't look like a Huang Ho

[Sarah]

It's probably just her stage name.  Actors like their privacy.

[...]

[Sarah]

I'm going to go look for his assistant.  Go wait in the breakroom.  I'll be back in a bit. 

[...]

Calvin finds the break room
And on the wall he takes his stand

He sees many come and go 

Including a couple of stagehands 

[Stagehand 1]

Red fish, blue fish, big fish, new fish. 

[Stagehand 2]

Right.  I have another one in my trunk if you want it.

[Stagehand 1] 

You keep that daredevil s*** for yourself.  I'm poor, I'm not trying to put a target on my back.  

[Stagehand 2] 

Yeah, but if you were rich you'd have more to lose. 

 

[Stagehand 1]

If I was rich I'd just pay a poor person to wear it for me.

[Stagehand 2]

Touche

[...]

But Calvin liked Crump 
For he always made him laugh
Plus he'll benefit from his tax cuts

Which is quite American 

But he would not share his view 
For his stance was not worth the stand
For he was now one of the rich
And one dependent on the common man

And the common man were many
And there were many more jelly fans
And he could not risk their upsetting
Just for some political circumstance 

[Stagehand 1]

Did you see him yet? He won't stop bobbing.

[Stagehand 2]

He'll do it until we rap up this scene

[Stagehand 1]

So, until Tuesday. 

[Stagehand 2]

Right.

[Sarah]

Calvin.  Over here. 

So what's this about?  And why is he bobbing?

[Assistant]

He's in character as an astronaut who becomes stuck on Mars because he can't solve the algebraic equation that he needs to program his ship for takeoff.  Before you ask, he can't remember algebra because he bumped his head during turbulent weather, which also damaged his communications.

[Sarah]

Algebra?

[Assistant]

It hinges on the assumption that if an alien intelligence can solve for X, then it's smart enough to seek peace first, assuming they reach Earth. 

[Sarah]

Interesting.  So what's going on in this scene.  

[Assistant]

He ran out of food and he's starting to hallucinate.  He'll start talking to a bobblehead trinket that his daughter gave him before he left.

[...]

Chiffon is preparing his scene
And he's getting quite anxious
As he sits in front of a green screen
With just him and a bobblehead trinket

[Chiffon]

C**** can we shoot the scene already.  I'm sweating my balls off here.

[Xao]

And action

[Chiffon]

I don't know, Bob, looks like I really **** the bed on this one.   Haha, yeah, well how many people can say they made it to Mars?   Hey Bob, remember when we landed?  What were you laughing at?  No...no...no, don't give me that ****, Bob.  I saw your head tottering you cackling mother*****.  Give me the code Bob, I know you're hiding it from me!  

[...]

The scene was captivating 
For Chiffon was quite dynamic
Now they're seeking conversation 
While Chiffon is seeking an anesthetic 

[Chiffon]

Help yourself Calvin.

[...]

Calvin looked at the powdery pile
And though he can't explain why
For in the past he would consider it
But now he wanted a clearer mind 

[Calvin]

No thanks

[Chiffon]

j**** C****, kiddo, take it easy on the blow...

 So are you religious, Calvin?

[Calvin]

It's okay.  Don't worry about it.  

[Chiffon]

Are you a church-going man...

Do you give bread to the poor and all that?

[Sarah]

Omg, They're not geese.  They have food stamps now.  What they need is a vision board.

[Calvin]

You should feed them peas.

[Sarah]

What?

[Calvin]

Geese

[Assistant]

Sorry to bother you, but we're changing the location to 1B tomorrow.

[Chiffon]

Thanks [he gives her a thumbs up and winks at Calvin]...

You know there was this guy named Scheler.   And he arranged values like Dante arranged the circles of Hell.  And at the very bottom was utility and at the top was holiness.  Basically, he rated values by how hard they were to obtain, like diamonds.  But diamonds are only hard to obtain because of collusion behind the scenes.  

(Sarah)

I'm fairly certain that diamonds are hard to obtain because they're mined in Africa...

[Calvin]

You're saying that holiness is easier to obtain than people think?

[Chiffon]

Yes, that and the value system is inverted.  If I said here's a rock, it's a really cool rock, look how the light shines off of it.  I'll give it to you if you give me all your wages for three months...you should stone me with that rock.

I'm also saying that it doesn't matter if you tell people not to focus on the elephant in the room.  Just mentioning that there's an elephant is going to stir a response.

[Sarah]

I'm confused

[Chiffon]

The issue isn't really elephants, holiness, or diamonds.  It's a distraction to  keep people dissatisfied.   

[Sarah]

Do you find your ranting ironic given that we're doing cocaine right now

[Chiffon]

Yeah, you're right.  Bread and circuses.  That's all I know. 

[Sarah]

So do you think Ray is going to win the Oscar this year?

[Chiffon]

I don't know, but he was really f****** good. 

[Sarah]

Yeah, but speaking of rape...

[Chiffon]

That's just a rumor 

[Sarah]

Yeah, but the accusation alone, plus he puts ketchup in his condoms.

[Calvin]

What do you mean

[Chiffon]

Life is about context.  I mean, It's a smart move.  A man like that is always being baited for something.  Besides, what woman wouldn't want little Rays running around...

speaking of rape, did you know that it was the norm until the 1700s, then Sweden allowed the first woman to vote

[Calvin]

Na-ah. 

[Sarah]

What the f*** are you talking about

[Chiffon]

Yeah...Political alliances...gene propagation.  Can you imagine a history where both sexes were equal?  Few would settle down.  Progress would have been stifled.

All I'm saying is that above, below, within, who knows--but there are forces at work kid.  

[Sarah]

Do you own a mirror?

[Calvin]

So you don't believe in free will?

[Chiffon]

I believe in collusion.  And that there's the ones that you see, and the ones that you don't.  But the world needs to fool itself.  

[Sarah]

On that note, thanks for the toot. Oh, before we go, you're helping Calvin out with a business venture.

[Chiffon]

I know.  We'll knock it out.  Your jelly will be the biggest thing since ketchup.  

[Sarah]

We're going to the island this weekend.  You should come.

[Chiffon]

I wouldn't miss it for the world...

There's more queens than kings there, if you know what I mean [winks at Calvin].

You should come too, Calvin, it'll be a hoot 

[Calvin]

I am

[Sarah]

You are.  What a delightful surprise. 

[...]

Though her mouth said one thing
Her eyes said another
But Calvin was never good at interpreting
Just preparing for a counter

[Sarah]

We're going to stop by Xao's trailer
Which is all the way by lot C
But I know a shortcut
Follow me

[...]

They cut through a dark staging area
Where Calvin circumvents some stage props
He turns and he meanders
Until he feels a prode on his buttocks

(Calvin)

[Ouch] Don't do that...I'm sorry but I'm seeing someone. 

[Sarah]

[Sarah drops the stage prop] I'm just playing dear, what does she do, if I may ask?

[Calvin]

She's a cosmologist

[Sarah]

Interesting.  Public or private?

[Calvin]

She accepts walk-ins

[Sarah]

You know, Calvin, if you're going to have a real relationship with this woman, you're going to have to solve your problem first.

[Calvin]

And what problem is that?

[Sarah]

The problem of you

[...]

They make it to Xao's trailer
And they enter upon request
They see a plate of red velvet
And hear Xao from the upper deck

[Xao]

Welcome.  I've been expecting you.
Help yourself to some cake and join me