Finding Barry Pt. 2 - 6 - True Blue (Updated 12/12/24 *)

 

Calvin was coming out of his shell 

Feeling comfortable around others 

But has what was to be known 

Become lost in the cluttered 

For to understand what is shown 

Is to see more than others' utters 

One must follow the rabbit hole 

To implications undiscovered 

But now that Calvin's all alone 

Can he fathom beyond the stutters 

For he's been stuck in others' flow 

With seeds of thought others' mustered 

And as he prepares to watch his show 

Will he see more than just their colors 

And past repartees which he hones 

For his conversational succors 

[...]

As he prepares his late-night meal
And to watch his favorite show
He adds some final touches
And he downs some edibles

For since Calvin quit the booze
He found it unrewarding to be alone
But he didn't want clingy Charlene
To ruin the solace he finds at home

For women they tend to talk 
And he just wants to eat while stoned

And find out all the latest drama 
Regarding his favorite daily soap

Suddenly the phone would ring 
And he felt it inhospitable 
For his mouth was salivating 
For some chicken and spiced noodles

[..]

Lamington:  Calvin, I'm courting some acquaintances at my estate tomorrow and I would like you to join us.  I don't perceive them to be the righteous types like you and I, and I would like your keen sense of discernment going forward.  In fact, truth be told, one of them is downright rotten, but the others I have yet to meet.  With such big heads about, I wouldn't' be surprised if one were a Psychopath.  Help me weed them out, will you? 

Calvin:  what do you want me to do?

Lamington:  Just be yourself.  People seem to be themselves around you. And pay close attention, of course. I'll do my best to egg them on. Get them to open up. 

[...]

While he was watching General Hospital
He began to ponder alien things
Watching Cassadines on their island
And how manipulative Helena can be 

He thought of Mr. Lamington
And all the odd things that he would say
Then he thought of his playground comment
And the ice cream and queer look on Dave 

He thought the lore might be semantics
And that was Lamington's humorous display

For he thought Calvin both shy and sweet
And a questionable man with a muppet face 

But Lamington knew so much 
And there were the animals well behaved
But was the lore just some magical bluff
For the reality that's been put in play

He thought about the jelly ritual
And their passion for confectionary 

There are worse things that's been known 
To have been eaten in secrecy

He reflected on what he knows 
From his brief time in history

Horses, pigs, kids and even goats

Are just some slayed for mere beliefs

He'd insist on seeing the tomes
And be tested for the G
For he cannot just stay at home
With all the things that he's come to see

So the suspicion would now linger
Being part of his secret game
Is the obsession with the jelly maker 

Some inside joke or conspiracy 

While traveling down this rabbit hole 
He receives a call from slow Sophie 
As he picks up his telephone 
He would think the thought he'd need to speak

[...]

Calvin:  Yes, Sophie.

Sophie:  Calvin, Felicity didn't show up for her shift and she won't answer her phone.  

Calvin: Sophie, you're a manager now, refer to the call-in list.  And prepare a write-up for Fros...Felicity. If you can't get someone to cover for her, see if you can borrow an employee from Cocina to do the easy work.  If absolutely necessary, put the close sign up and prepare for tomorrow's opener.  

Sophie:  Okay.  Will do.  Have a good night.

[...]

Calvin was a little concerned
But he knew from positions past
It's good to set a precedent 
Just in case relations turn bad 

[...]

Calvin:  Will Sarah be joining us today?

Lamington:  I'm afraid not, she's on retreat.

Calvin: Retreat from what?

Lamington:  Ha-ha, good point Calvin.  No, it will just be us men today.  It should be fun, But remember, there will be at least one Psychopath among us.  So, observe wisely.

Calvin:  When will they arrive.

Lamington:  Any time within the hour.  Let's go see our playground for the day.

[...]

As they travel out back
Just beyond the mansion view
They would engage in some chit-chat
While the others would arrive on cue 

He told Calvin to play it cool
And leave everything up to him
For no one can set a stage 
Quite like Mr. Lamington

After introductions were briefly made
They'd stand by and ready to shoot

But what it was would be a surprise 
For Lamington knows to work a room

[...]

Lamington:  Let's not talk business today, gentlemen.  Let's just shoot the s***, as the commons say.

Mr. Miles, can you confirm Mr. Berg is prepared?

Mr. Miles:  Yes sir. 

Lamington:  Alright gentlemen, take a gander just above the treeline

Mr. Miles:  Now, Mr. Berg. [walky talky]

[Seconds later a dozen geese take flight above head just beyond the treeline]

Mr. Crawford: Hot damn.  I shot that one in the face.  Do you see how many rotations that goosey bastard did.  

Lamington:  Ha-ha, yes, good shot Mr. Crawford.

[They would hand over their weapons to nearby servants for reloading
While they sip on some drinks handed by other servants that were soft-spoken]

[...]

After a few dozen dead geese
They'd finally call it a day 
Then head back to the mansion
For some steak and more drinks

Calvin would sip some beers
Because he felt obliged to participate
Given the atmosphere 
And Mr. Lamington's secret game

[...]

Crawford:  Have you seen the hoo-ha on the news with that actress on E.  And now she's on the damn cover of  Limlight magazine in that beloved remake as the witch, but she looks damn right indignant.   She's a witch god****** she's supposed to look witchy. No doubt her intergenerational trauma has affected her acting ability. She's one of those cast types.  More like cast aways.

Calvin: It's not just a remake, it's an entirely different narrative arc.

Mr. Guiles:  Yes, she's an unjustly oppressed witch this time.

Crawford:  Hot damn, of course she is.  

Calvin:  It's a little more complicated than that.  If you look at her filmography you can see her diverse role play.  She's certainly not a cast type. 

Crawford:  Well, are you some Nancy or buttercup, Calvin?

Calvin:  Let's go outside and find out. 

Mr. Spears: I'll go outside with you.

Lamington:  Now play nice, gentlemen...

But you do have to admit that the whole situation has become quite ridiculous Calvin.

Crawford: Do you know they want to enforce socialistic commie nonsense in my great city...forcing businesses to donate their discarded goods.  They're outright encouraging the congregation of the poor.  Free food and free stuff.  They want to make my city a giant buffet for the begging community.

Mr. Spears: It's a god**** shame.

Mr. Crawford:  Do you know the hub of crime my city would become if it became known as a food sanctuary for the poor?  There would be street doo-doo antics everywhere....You wait till that commie nonsense comes to your great state.  What are you going to have Megan the meth head walking around with Gucci because the good folks at Gucci couldn't sell last season's leopard print tote bag by this season's release?  That's some commie bull**** if you ask me.  I say if I buy a couch I can damn near s*** on it before I put it out on the curb if I want to.  In fact, I'm going to s*** on the next couch I usher out to them commie bastards.  

Mr. Spears:  It wasn't uncommon while growing up to chuck change at the indigent if they were suspected of treacherous beggary.  

Calvin:  What about the mendicant community?

Mr. Crawford: Son, we don't know what the f*** you're talking about.

Mr. Spears:  The way I see religious folk aren't partitioning red lights for their unsolicited peep show.  No one wants to feel guilty on their way to work.  It's damn right inconsiderate.  There should be a parking lot or alleyway for that kind of pandering.  

Lamington:  There's this program that funds homeless meters in Kenver.  The meters resemble parking meters but are painted red and are placed on every street corner.  Millions have been raised for shelter, food, and back-to-work programs.  Coupled with an anti-panhandling law, your city could provide a suitable countermeasure to its current imposition.  Just make sure you emphasize the reduction in crime and street doo-doo antics.   And, of course emphasize the safety concern by pointing out the recent resurgence of change-chucking. Muahaha.

Crawford: Hot damn, Lamington, you are one crafty bastard.

Lamington:  Yes, well the well-to-do have a responsibiltiy to create and keep a clean playground for all involved.  And though it's impossible to prevent schoolyard bullying, we can take measures to decide who that will be.

Mr. Spears:  No, you're right Lamb, I don't see anything wrong with it.  It's damn right forced philanthropy is what they're doing.  Personally, I believe It's god**** nonsense to spend thousands on a purse, but if a woman wants to show how god**** stupid she is, we should oblige her.  

Lamington: Indeed...

And what better enemy is there then a condition.  We should do our best to separate people from the conditions that cause us to hate them.  I have an island in mind [he winks at Calvin].

Mr. Spears:  The old out of presence out of mind idea.  

Lamington:  Indeed.  

Mr. Spears: 

For the win-win!

 

[...]

As they raised all their glasses

A visage came to Calvin's mind

A resemblance of the noble savage

From the Derby he sat behind 

[...]

Calvin: To the noble savage (gives Lamington a wink)

Mr. Spears: Yes, it appears that we're in the eye of the storm with this whole commie oppressive **** show.  I was talking to a professor friend of mine.  And he says that this is all part of some psy-op. That sometimes to discredit a movement you give it full steam in its organic direction.  You lean into its depths and to the fringes of its absurdities.  And then you set it up to fail by muddling it with a whole bunch of other issues and by putting the most ridiculous on display.  It becomes a beast that feeds itself.  In fact he suggested that the change people want is not some political system in the East,  or about trans rights, but really about wages.  He said something about the double income trap and that we're all a bunch of crabs in a bucket, or some nonsense.  

Lamington: In the thick of it, it's always about money.  Power balances talent for and against one another. It's a dance of the marionettes, really.  

Calvin:  What if they have truth on their side?

Lamington:  And what's that?  The world operates on models and facts, Calvin.  Truth is flexible. Besides, history has a way of defending itself.  

Mr. Guiles:  In the end those who know don't care and those who care don't know.

Mr. Spears:  Great movie.

Mr.  Guiles:  We're at a point in time where conspiracy is no longer taboo—it's expected.  It's just like anything else, first the idea is floated, then it's shipped for transit.  It becomes so everyday that people stop caring.  It's just another source of entertainment.  Even mainstream media has prostituted the trend.  Except with them it's usually Big this, Big that, as long as the thems stay thems, there's nothing to be done.  The way I see it conspiracy is just another word for plan.  People should just be happy they live in the heart of the empire.  

Mr. Spears:  It's like being the friend of the bully. 

Mr. Crawford: Look at slavery; without the order we made we wouldn't have been able to create enough progress to get anything done.  Plus, hell, they couldn't advance anyway because their geniuses were too busy running from lions and rhinos and droughts.  While our geniuses were cooped up in a hovel waiting out the winter, tinkering and toying.  Now, because of their sacrifice, we were able to remove the overhead and the eye sore—and we no longer have to beat them.  

Mr. Guiles: Pink slips have replaced horse whips.  

Mr. Spears: It's a win-win for everyone involved.  

Calvin:  I think that with such issues of scale, it's easy to create and defend a position, especially in retrospect.  And I've come to understand the malleability of the mind, and I think your refusal to condemn a past that you're no longer a part of shows a lack of evolutionary advancement.  

Mr. Crawford:  What the f*** did you just say

Mr. Spears:  Take me to your leader

Mr. Lamington: Gentlemen, I have something that I want to show you. 

[...]

As they reached the bottom of the stairwell
Calvin thinks he sees a lady through some glass
Watching a TV with a painting Bob Ross 
Then he thought that maybe she was a trans

[...]

Mr. Crawford:  What the **** is this?

Lamington:  Meet Ben.  He monitors Barry while I'm away.  Has there been anything interesting since I've been gone?

Ben:  Barry played FIFA for an hour after breakfast, skipped his reading entirely and exercised at 1pm.  Other than that, everything has been the same.

Lamington:  Sounds like he's depressed.  Keep me updated.

Mr. Crawford:  Is this some kind of mutant woman?  Why's he in a god**** dress?

Lamington:  Yes, it's based on the theory of the looking-glass self.  Identity is largely formed by our interactions with others.  Besides, I thought it would be a funny party gag. 

Calvin: Is this your painter that I wouldn't know?

Lamington:  Yes

Mr. Guiles:  Is that a mini fridge?

Lamington:  Barry has everything that he needs while I'm away: books, Food, FIFA, Bob Ross and Richard Simmons, he even has a walk-in shower.  

Mr. Guiles:  What are you doing with him?

Lamington:  I study him.  

Calvin: What does he think is going on?

Lamington:  A world-wide apocalypse.  Brought about through the Yabbadabbadoos  

[...]

Lamington walks over to a shelf
And grabs an alien-esque disguise
With overhead extensions 
With big snail-like floppy eyes 

[...]

Mr. Crawford:  What kind of silly sh*** are you in to?

Lamington:  As far as Barry knows, my eye stalks inform me when there are Yabbadabbdoos in the vicinity.  Without this apparatus, I wouldn't exist on outside for very long.

Mr. Spears:  He never tries to escape?

Lamington:    Why would he?  All he knows is what I show him.  All he's had to do in his life is submit.  Struggle is overrated.  

Mr. Guiles:  What kind of experiments do you run on him?

Lamington:  Many.  Ones that he's not even aware of.  What he sees through his window is a digital reality projected by Ben.  We can show him anything we want through it.   Sometimes we'll show him strange things.  And sometimes those strange things end up in his paintings, often extrapolated through his vivid imagination.  

Calvin:  what if your technology fails?

Lamington:  I don't know.  Eclipse.  We'll make something up. 

Mr. Crawford:  Why is he so damn fit?

Lamington:  Yes, we provide him with a daily Richard Simmons exercise regimen to keep him sharp. 

Mr.  Spears:  it's hard to believe that's just from Richard Simmons.

Lamington:  Yes, I suppose it goes to show that 80 percent of what we look like happens in the kitchen. And Barry gets nothing but the very best.

Calvin:  You said that he has books and video games? 

Lamington:  We vet everything Barry receives.  FIFA is a safe choice for such a fragile reality. 

Mr. Guiles:  Aren't you afraid he's going to ask the wrong question some day? 

Lamington:  Not really.  Barry is like a child.  And I believe that If you can't outreason a child, you shouldn't have one.  Besides, I like the challenge.  It's good for my imagination.  I too like games [winks at Calvin]. 

[...]

His words couldn't have been any louder
At least to Calvin's frame of reality
Because he knows of its implications
And what it could possibly really mean 

[...]

Lamington:  Are you not entertained? [smirks as he walks through a door into a narrow corridor leading to Barry's door.  The first door closes, as Mr. Lamington appears in Barry's large pod-like room.]

Lamington:  Hello Barry.  How are you today?

Barry:  I'm okay.  I'm just watching Bob Ross.

Lamington:  Squall, Barry! Squall!

[...]

Barry drops to all fours
Rolls over onto his side 
With his eyes and mouth agape
Directed towards the sky

[...]

Lamington:  Yes, that's a very good possum pose, Barry.  [scratches Barry on the stomach].  You know the Yabbadabbadoos don't eat the dead.  Remember shallow breathing.

Are you ready for your antibodies now?

[...] 

Mr. Lamington looks at the mirror pane
And the many personalities that it hides

Seemingly peering with calm disdain
And muffled laughter that he abides

Barry gets on both his knees 
Facing Lamington like a little child
And then he was tinkled with some pee
Then Lamington broke out into a smile  

While Mr. Lamington would sing 
"I bless you with this golden shower"

They laughed beyond the window pane

But with Calvin laughing the louder

They wouldn't' see it his face
But they would feel his mighty power
As Calvin flashbacks to that sad day 
When Calvin was taught not to be a coward

[...]

[Flashback]

I'll be damned if I have some fa****** son who's going to be a rug all his life. You stomp those god**** chickens out if you want to leave that chicken pen, boy. 

It took Calvin a few minutes 

Before he found the right composure

He pussyfooted till he transitioned

With feet that became like boulders

He'd stomp three or four chickens

Then he felt a little colder

While his father would be his witness 

And in silence he seemed to smolder 

The chickens they were livid

Jumping way above his shoulder 

But they failed to escape his mission

His arms swung like a nutcracker soldier's 

After none remained living

He exited upon his father's orders

He'd bury the memory beyond his vision

It started his path as a trauma hoarder

[...]

Calvin would snap into a rage
And grab the fire extinguisher
And sweep Mr. Spears's legs 
While everyone clenched their sphincters 

He'd bring it to Crawford's face 
And Ben would reach with his trigger finger
While Mr. Guiles would back away

And Calvin prioritized the remaining danger

He knocked Ben's hand out of place
While looking where it lingered
It dislocated and twitched in pain

While Lamington was still host and singer

Calvin would think of his next play
In a brief pause of mental jitters
And he relied on his instincts

Grabbing the gun with his child-like fingers

[...]

Calvin:  Mr. Guiles, collect everyone's cell phone now.  Ben open the doors?

[...]

As he ushered them in play
He'd soon enter into the chamber
With now everyone face-to-face
With Lamington and his tinkle-soaked painter

[...]

Calvin:  You sick son of a b****.  Barry move it, now!

Lamington:  Calvin,  You don't understand.  It's just an inside joke, and he doesn't even know what that means.

Calvin:  Barry get your ass moving, now!

Lamington:  It's okay, Barry, go with him....

You don't know what you're doing Calvin.  Where are you going to go!

[...]

As they approach the staircase
Calvin recomposes his being
He's going to be affirmatively cool
Like Aaron Cross in the Bourne Legacy

He tells Barry to trust him 
For they are together as a team
He told him to keep real close 
And ignore any very loud bings 

Calvin: Do you know how your soccer players run to score goals, Barry?

Barry:  Yes

Calvin:  When I say run, you run where I run Barry, got it?

Barry:  Yes

Calvin:  Otherwise, you stay three feet behind me.

[...]

As Calvin opens the door 
He peers out somewhat subtly 
And he sees the outside in his view
And Chauncer posted up patiently 

With a smile on his face 
He "psst" directionally
As Chauncer came his way
Somewhat suspiciously 

[...]

Calvin:  Psst...Chauncer, come here, quick.  

Chauncer:  Is everything alright?

[...]

Without a response
He grabs Chauncer by his sleeve
Pulls him towards his mass
And trips him downward aggressively

Chauncer would disappear 
As he rolled presumably 
But Calvin wouldn't care 
As he's been taught since age thirteen

They'd slyly rush the front
And exit suspiciously 
As he encountered Mr. Miles
He clotheslined him clandestinely 

As they find his blueberry ride 
They'd flee the winding scene
As they follow the promenade
That resembled a meandering 

Barry:  What's going on?

Calvin:  Barry. You've been lied to.  How long have you been with in there?

Barry:  I don't know.  I don't like this

[...]

As they approach the exit 
What would Calvin see
But a smatter of red filling
Filling his passenger seat 

[...]

Calvin:  Oh, Je***, no!

[...]

As he accelerates out the gate
He would reflect on the holey scene
As he lost half his windshield
And his rescued blue Barry 
 

As he drives on the road
He parks on the side of the forestry
To drag Barry to an earthly divot
And consider his new reality

He would rip off Barry's dress
To clean his window and his seat
Then he decided to get his grab bag 
Prepped after Baker Brian's murdering 

He'd find it in his mansion 
Behind his Parmigiano cheese
In a closed off bread basket
Where no one would ever be looking

As he steps out on his mansion terrace
Who would he to come by chance to see 
But the shrewd detective Shaw
Approaching somewhat prudently 

[...]

Calvin:  How can I help you, detective.

Detective: I'm sorry to bother you Mr. Humphries.   I just wanted to update you on Brian Lacquette.

Calvin: Go on.

Detective: We concluded our investigation and we determined it a suicide.

Calvin:  Oh. Wow.  I'm sorry to hear that.  He was a good worker.

Detective: Yeah, but between you and me we think there was foul play involved--are you okay, Mr. Humphries, you seem impatient.

Calvin:  I'm great I just need to get going.

Detective: They say he did 12 flips on the way down.  Not even Greg Louganis did that many. 

Calvin:  I'm sorry detective, I really have to be on my way.

Detective:  Sure. You don't think it's strange for a person to do flips off of a high -rise.  

Calvin:  I really have to get going detective.  I'm sorry.

Detective:  You know it's weird for a case to close so fast, especially with our suspicions.  But chain of command....what can you do?...

Anyway, I just thought you should know...

[Calvin starts decelerating his mansion steps]

Oh, Calvin....you forgot your keys.

[...]

Calvin looks at the keys in the door

And though he had his spare set by his side
He decided it would be a good idea 
So it doesn't look like he has anything to hide

[...]

Calvin: Thanks 

[...]

As Calvin would descend the steps
He thinks of how he'll look in his Mercedes
And the shrewd detective just might guess
That there's something more to what he sees

So Calvin would double back
Timing it so they would awkwardly meet
At the bottom of the steps  
Giving him a smile that was oh so sweet

Calvin:  Seems I forgot more than my keys

[...]

At the end of his sweet smile
He'd kick the detective in the abs
Then he'd give him The Stunner
But accidentally break his neck

To Calvin it was fortuitous 
As King Longshanks wisely said
A King must see the advantage 
Given the hand that he has to bet

And in his hand were now the keys
To the detective's cool Mustang
He hides the detectives behind a tree
As he thinks of his now new plan 

He will find director Xao 
And tell him of Mr. Wellington
And how they are going to kill him
At least that's what they both said 

He would find this Chung-Lee Xao
Given his fancy new instrument
But there are twenty-four of them around
In the area he's sure to live 

He decides he'll go the studio 
And Huff and puff his bold way in 
But Calvin would first play the switches
To find the siren that would fit 

[...]

He thought of his blueberry Mercedes
And how its interior was really red
Just like his soft pale blueberries
Whenever piercing their waxy skin

And just like his pierced blue Barry
They would both grow ill-treated 
For blueberries that are merry
Don't produce many antioxidants 

And just like humanity
Blueberries vary by environments
But they're not wanted for their money 
But for their cultivars and anthocyanins

All of a sudden he hears a ring
And a man with a different cadence
As Calvin picks up reluctantly
He hears the words that would be thought waiting 

[...]

Lamington:   Calvin, listen, it's alright.  Ben told me how they all reacted to my charade.  You did a good job.  We flushed out those Psychopaths.  Where is Barry?

Calvin: His head exploded Mr. Lamington.  A bullet went through the window and blew his ******** head off.

Lamington:...Are you alright?  I understand if you don't want to come back to the estate.  I'll come to you and we can talk about what happened if you wish.  Where are you? [Calvin hangs up]

[...]

To gains access to the lot 

He'd sound his siren and flash his lights

And give the gatekeeper a twirly finger

To give a sense of urgency to his plight

He drives to Xao's trailer

Though hardly anyone was there

Except for a couple assistants 

That gave him an awkward stare

[...]

Calvin: Where's Xao right now?

Assistant 1: He's off set. He probably went home.  

Calvin: Where is that?  

Assistant 1: Somewhere in the Dairy. I don't know the address. I have his phone number though. 

Assistant 2: Can't you look it up in your computer?

Calvin: Shut your face.

[...]

As she shut her face

Calvin would memorize the number

Then cross-reference it to a place

Where Calvin would bring the thunder

But fearing technology 

He didn't call the number

For Mr. Lamington was replete 

With power and ample hunters

As he arrived at Xao's front gate

He was responded to by another

A soft-spoken man much like Dave

And he was admitted with a stutter 

Xao would meet him under collonades 

With a surprised face one couldn't muster

And there conversation would take place

Whlle moving beyond the ivory cluster

[...]

Calvin: I have reason to believe your life and my life are in danger

Xao:  What do you mean?

Calvin: Wellington and Lamington were talking about you and of an ultimatum they're going to give you.  If you don't go along with them, they're going to kill you.

Xao:  That's insane.  

Calvin:  Is it?  In a healthy organism,  all is well.  But when limbs start to slump, when roots start to show, some divine intervention is called for.  And that's what we in the West are good at, fine tuning.  Does that at all sound familiar?  Do you know about Fountainhead on Mr. Lamington's island.  Where he's cultivating genius in young men that sound very much like your servant?  Do you know he's chipping animals and soon he'll be chipping babies.  He says he believes in chipping the commons and the Psychopaths.  He's insane, Xao.  

Xao:  It all makes sense now.  

Calvin:  What makes sense now?

Xao: The clandestine transaction, the price haggling for the all-too reliable servants that you see...

And Allegro, he has a stutter—and he twitches.  I thought that maybe I traumatized him with stage fright, but It could be a chip malfunction.

Calvin: Xao, Lamington is trafficking young men to his island, chipping them, training them, and then selling them to the highest bidder. 

[...]

Calvin's revelation was stunning 
For the jelly has met the seams
But what about the lore 
And the story in-between

[...]

Calvin:  Xao,  we need to assume that what your servant sees, Lamington sees.  We need to leave now. 

Xao:  I didn't know.  I swear.  I knew Lamington was ambitious but I didn't know of his zealotry...

[...]

As he peered through the window crack

Calvin knew exactly where this goes

He sees a dozen men in suited black

And they're preparing for quite a show

[...]

Calvin: Xao! 

[...]

As they huddled in the back

He prepares Xao for what was shown

And he tells xao to prepare ahead 

As they navigate through his spacious home

[...]

Calvin:   Stay on my ass, but give me three-four feet distance and watch my six...

is there an alternate path out of here?

Xao:  Yes, through the West wing on the second floor.  It will lead to stairs on your left, from there we can take my boat out the back.

Calvin:  That's too slow Xao and that leaves too much open space for them to snipe us.  I'll handle this.  Hunker down under the pool table.  I'll come back when it's safe.  

Xao:  Here, you'll need this.

[...]

Xao throws Calvin a shotgun
But one with a magazine
It was compact and it was light
Perfect for what he planned to be

[...]

"This is the police open up"

[...]

He remembered the movie John Wick

And how Baba Yaga was known to move
So he'd keep a compact frame 

As he navigated through the rooms 

But as the police would usher in
He had space he needed to choose
For he realized that his direct route 
Wasn't as smart with their gear in view

But Calvin remembered his time 

Playing online video games

And how the secret in the chase

Was to act counterintuitively 

He would pace through every room

Playing the angles that he'd sees

And his plan was to double back 

To surprise nearby enemies

He'd quickly shoot a shot 
Aiming at or below the knees 
As he navigates the maze-like rooms
And wide mouthed entryways

With enemies in smaller groups
He'd hide behind a big TV 
For they're not there for entertainment
Though he's the one they want to see 

As they would pass through his room
He felt inspired by the Vietnamese 

But he wouldn't shoot from some shrubs
But from modern technology 

As he picked up a couple weapons
He found a few grenades
He knew exactly what to do 
Playing Call of Duty Three

They thought they'd ambush him

But he was doing the ambushing

Grabbing weapons that came too close

Simulating Neo's famed Tai Chi

He'd make his way towards Xao
As there weren't many to be seen
And when he was finally found 
They'd make there way to flee

But before stepping out the house
He reflected on his Rainbow Six team
And how he hovered on a mount
As the sniper micromanaging 

[...]

Calvin: We need to use that riot shield to draw out sniper fire..

I have an idea.  Where are your servants.

[...]

They found them cluttered about
Waiting for the drama to dissipate
He found the one with the stuttering mouth 
And told him he had to participate 

[...]

Calvin: Allegro, you have to crouch behind this shield while moving to the dock. You'll want to hold it East, as if there were a sniper in that direction. Do you understand?

Allegro: Wha-wha-what? I can't do that?

Calvin: It's either that, or I shoot you in your foot. Then I'll shoot you in other places. Understand?

Xao: How do you know the sniper will be East. 

Calvin: I have experience with close-quarter insurgency. Trust me. 

[...]

As Allegro exited the back porch

Hunkering behind his riot gear

Calvin would watch his neck snap North

As the bullet found him behind the ear

[...]

Calvin: Okay. I'll be right back.

[...]

Calvin brings another servant

Giving him slightly different directions

Saying that he'll do better 

Given Calvin's new perception

He made it to a bench 

But stalled in hesitation 

But Calvin saw the red dot

And grenaded his location 

They'd flee to the boat

And question the invitation 

For there was no nearby backup 

Nor conducted negotiation

They would shuffle for a while

Exchanging greetings for aviation 

As they're seated on Xao's plane

It was clear directing was just Xao's avocation

As they're preparing for take off
Calvin would be enticed by conversation
To see what can be solved
Through the speaker's gravitation

[...]

Lamington:

We are told that a shepherd would leave his flock to search for that one lost sheep, but I tell you that shepherd has never heard of the monkey and the peas.  I'm no shepherd, Calvin--and I'm no monkey. Have you heard of the monkey and the peas, Calvin?...Calvin?  (Calvin Hangs up)

Xao:  Here, you'll need this where we're going (He throws Calvin a red coat)

[...]

Calvin would come to believe

M. Lamington's insane

But perhaps we're all gnawing underneath

Weather chicken, goose, or ostrich egg *